In the high-stakes world of modern business, the archetype of the infallible, stoic leader is rapidly becoming obsolete. Today's successful leadership is less about wielding authority and more about fostering connection, empathy, and self-awareness. The secret weapon behind this transformation isn't an MBA or a decade of experience—it's a deep understanding of human psychology and emotional intelligence.
In a revealing conversation with Kimberly Collins, an executive coach and Enneagram consultant, we uncovered the surprising truths about leadership psychology that are often left out of boardroom discussions. This blog delves into the key insights from that discussion, exploring how self-awareness, managing imposter syndrome, and becoming a heart-centered leader can revolutionize your team performance and personal resilience.
The Silent Career Saboteur: A Lack of Self-Awareness
When asked what secretly sabotages careers, Kimberly didn't point to a lack of skill or ambition. Instead, she identified a fundamental gap: a low level of self-awareness.
"It's not just one emotion that can sabotage our careers, but our unawareness of what is going on underneath the surface in our emotions and our thinking... that can be sabotaging our ability to show up the way that we want to with our teams and in our jobs."
This lack of self-awareness creates blind spots. We react instead of respond, we misinterpret conflicts, and we burn out without understanding why. The journey to effective leadership begins not with an external strategy, but with an internal audit of our own motives and reactions.
The Four Pillars of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership
So, how do we translate this internal awareness into external effectiveness? The answer lies in developing your emotional intelligence (EQ). Kimberly breaks down EQ into four critical components for any leader:
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Self-Awareness: Understanding your own emotions, triggers, and core motivations.
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Self-Management: Your ability to regulate your emotions, understand your triggers, and maintain composure under pressure.
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Social Awareness: The capacity to be attuned to other people's emotions and accurately perceive the dynamics in a room.
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Social Management: The skill of influencing interactions, managing conflict, and inspiring and guiding your team members.
Improving your self-awareness is the crucial first step that naturally enhances your ability in the other three areas, creating a ripple effect of improved communication and collaboration across your entire organization. This is the bedrock of effective leadership.
A Case Study in Burnout and Self-Discovery
Kimberly illustrated this with a powerful personal story. As a co-owner of a busy orthodontic practice with 35 employees and three young children at home, she found herself on the fast track to burnout.
"I felt myself burning out at an incredible rate that was affecting my ability to show up as a leader... I had a friend introduce me to the Enneagram as a way of improving my own self-awareness around the things that I was doing that was making me burn out even faster."
Through this personality framework, she discovered her pattern of taking on other people's emotions and tasks, driven by an underlying anxiety about seeing others struggle. This self-awareness allowed her to make a conscious choice. She began employing self-management techniques to step back, creating healthier boundaries. This shift wasn't instantaneous but was built through small, consistent "one-degree turns" that corrected her course away from burnout and toward sustainable leadership.
Practical Tools for Building Self-Awareness
You don't necessarily need a formal personality framework to begin this work. Kimberly suggests simple, daily practices that can yield significant insights:
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The Pre-Meeting Pause: Before entering a meeting, take a moment to connect with your values. What kind of outcome and demeanor do you want to bring into the room?
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The Two-Minute Review: After a meeting, reflect for just two minutes. What transpired that was outside of your goals and values? What did you bring to that situation?
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The Five-Minute Journal: When a tricky conversation or conflict arises, spend five minutes journaling about it. Ask yourself: "What message was I receiving that made me escalate this?"
These micro-practices in self-reflection are powerful tools for uncovering the hidden drivers of your behavior and are foundational for personal growth and leadership development.
The CEO's Secret: Triggers and Pathways to Regulation
For a leader about to embark on a high-stakes project, Kimberly advises focusing on two key areas of self-awareness:
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Know Your Triggers: What are the signals that you're about to be emotionally hijacked? Is it an elevated heart rate, tunnel vision, or a specific critical thought? Identifying these "tells" allows you to hit the pause button before you react in a way you'll regret.
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Find Your Pathway Back: What can you do to get "back online"? This could be a five-minute breathing exercise, a brisk walk around the block, or a quick brain-dump journaling session. The goal is to move from a reactive state (governed by the amygdala) to a restful, regulated state where you can think clearly and collaborate effectively.
Mastering this self-regulation is a core component of emotional intelligence and is what allows top leaders to stay calm under extreme pressure.
Navigating the Inevitable: Imposter Syndrome in Leadership
A profound moment in the discussion addressed a near-universal experience: imposter syndrome. Kimberly's perspective is both validating and empowering.
"Our leaders do not need to be infallible people. They just need to be authentic people who are leading us. And some of that authenticity is having moments of feeling like this task is too much for me to handle."
She reframes imposter syndrome not as a weakness, but as a sign of growth and authenticity. The solution isn't to eradicate these feelings, but to create a support system. For leaders experiencing this, her approach is to:
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Provide a spot to feel supported and encouraged.
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Remind them of their incredible gifts and skills.
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Equip them with techniques to self-validate. The mantra becomes: "I may not have all the answers, but I am the right person for this position at this time."
Often, leadership above us can see potential we cannot yet see in ourselves. The "tussle" between that external faith and our internal doubt is the crucible where imposter syndrome is born—and where it can be overcome.
The Heart-Centered Leader: Balancing Empathy and Boundaries
The concept of the heart-centered leader is gaining traction, moving away from a top-down model to a collaborative, servant-leadership style. These leaders create psychologically safe environments where team members feel empowered to contribute their best ideas.
However, Kimberly issues a crucial warning: Heart-centered leadership does not mean having no boundaries.
"What I see a lot with leaders who have giant hearts for their teams, they go in and they take on the emotions of the team members... and they burn out at an incredible rate."
The heart-centered leader must be equipped with strong self-awareness and even stronger boundaries to protect their own energy and well-being. This balance is not a sign of being less caring, but a critical strategy for sustainable leadership that avoids burnout.
Breaking Hidden Patterns for High Performers
Even recognized high performers can be held back by hidden, unconscious patterns. The first step to breaking them is, unsurprisingly, awareness.
"If we don't know what those patterns are, we're just going to keep playing them out. Everybody else will be able to see them except for us."
These patterns often serve a protective function, shielding us from an uncomfortable emotion like anxiety or fear. Once you are aware of the pattern and its underlying cause, you can insert a "circuit-breaker." For Kimberly, this was a mantra: "The person who does the work does the learning." This simple phrase helped her break the pattern of over-helping, allowing others to struggle, learn, and grow. This is a powerful practice in both leadership and team development.
The Path to Authentic Leadership: It's About You, But Not Only You
For new leaders looking to blend psychology into their style, Kimberly emphasizes that there is no one-size-fits-all model. Using the Enneagram, she highlights that there are nine equally valid perspectives and pathways to leadership.
"Being able to understand what you are bringing to the table and what your particularly unique pathway and struggles are going to be is your best way to becoming the leader that you're meant to be. It's not by becoming somebody else."
Authentic leadership is about leaning into your unique strengths while being mindful of your weaknesses. It also involves understanding that while you have one core self, you have multiple identities (leader, parent, friend) that may call upon different parts of your personality. The key is to remain true to your core values while flexing your communication and emotional intelligence skills to suit each context.
Rapid Fire: Leadership Psychology in a Nutshell
To crystallize these concepts, here are Kimberly's quick answers to key questions:
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Are leaders born or made?
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Answer: Emotional intelligence and psychology can make leaders great.
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How does mastering your emotions transform leadership?
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Answer: It helps you show up more authentically and intelligently.
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Can psychology prevent leadership mistakes?
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Answer: Yes, and it helps repair them when they happen.
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How do top leaders stay calm under pressure?
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Answer: By stepping away to get clear on their values and needs.
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What's the secret of teams that thrive under stress?
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Answer: High psychological safety, collaboration, and a shared sense of meaning.
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Conclusion: Redefining Leadership for a New Era
The future of effective leadership is not about knowing everything or never feeling fear. It is grounded in the courageous practice of self-awareness and the skillful application of emotional intelligence. By understanding our own psychology, from our triggers to our hidden patterns, we can transform our approach to management.
Embrace the journey of understanding your imposter syndrome, lead with a heart that has clear boundaries, and commit to the daily practices that build resilience. In doing so, you will not only enhance your team's performance and foster a thriving workplace culture, but you will also unlock a more authentic, sustainable, and successful version of your own leadership potential.
Podcast Transcript: Leadership Psychology & Emotional Intelligence with Kimberly Collins
Host: Today, we are uncovering the surprising truths about leadership psychology and how emotional intelligence can redefine success. I'm thrilled to welcome Kimberly Collins, an executive coach, Enneagram consultant, and author who specializes in self-awareness, personality dynamics, and communication. Kimberly, welcome.
Kimberly: Thank you so much. I'm excited to be here.
Host: With your massive experience working with leaders and organizations worldwide, what is the one thing that secretly sabotages careers?
Kimberly: I think the thing that sabotages leaders and teams the most is a low level of self-awareness. It's not just one emotion, but our unawareness of what's going on underneath the surface—our emotions, our thinking, our body sensations—that gives us signals we miss. This sabotages our ability to show up the way we want to with our teams.
Host: Once we have that self-awareness, what psychology techniques should we use in our day-to-day workplace?
Kimberly: Human awareness is part of the overarching umbrella term emotional intelligence, which comprises:
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Self-awareness
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Self-management (how we show up, emotional regulation, understanding our triggers)
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Social awareness (being aware of other people's emotions and how they experience us)
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Social management (our ability to influence how others interact with us and each other)
Understanding ourselves first leaks into all these other areas, improving our ability to influence, grow, and collaborate.
Host: Could you share a case study to help our viewers understand this challenge?
Kimberly: I'll use my own story. I used to co-own an orthodontic practice with 35 employees while raising three young kids. I felt myself burning out at an incredible rate. A friend introduced me to the Enneagram, which helped me see that my reaction to tasks was causing the burnout. I discovered I was taking on other people's emotions and tasks due to my own fears and core motivations. By applying self-awareness, I could employ self-management techniques to step back from these habitual responses, which slowly but surely corrected my path away from burnout. This is what I now help other leaders do.
Host: For your sake, you moved into executive coaching. What psychology techniques can one learn in such a program?
Kimberly: Using a framework like the Enneagram helps you learn self-awareness by asking why we do what we do, honing in on our core motivations and blind spots. The MBTI, for example, asks what you prefer, which is also helpful. But you don't always need a framework. Simple practices work too:
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Pausing before a meeting to get in touch with your values.
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Reflecting for two minutes after a meeting on what transpired.
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Five minutes of journaling about a tricky conversation to discover what triggered a conflict.
These small things improve self-awareness, which is the first step to better emotional intelligence.
Host: Let's talk about a big challenge: imposter syndrome. What are your thoughts?
Kimberly: Absolutely. Everybody experiences imposter syndrome at some point—even the greats. Our leaders do not need to be infallible; they just need to be authentic. Part of that authenticity is having moments of feeling like a task is too much to handle.
When I work with leaders experiencing this, the first thing I do is give them a spot to feel supported and encouraged, reminding them of the incredible gifts they bring to the table. I also give them skills to remind themselves that they may not have all the answers, but they are the right person for the position at this time. More than anything, it's about awareness that this happens, there's nothing wrong with you, you're not alone, and figuring out how to feel supported while you grow into the challenge.
Host: Sometimes we can't see our own potential, but leadership above us can. That tussle in our head and heart causes imposter syndrome. Beautifully said. Now, what about being a heart-centered leader?
Kimberly: I love that term. Leadership is moving towards a more collaborative, servant-leader style. Heart-centered leaders see the potential in their team and create a psychologically safe environment for collaboration. However, heart-centered leadership does not mean giving everything with no boundaries. Leaders with giant hearts often take on the emotions and tasks of their team members and burn out. It requires incredible self-awareness and boundaries to be healthy and effective in this role.
Host: That leads to my next question. Heart-centered leaders are vulnerable to burnout. What can a top leader do to stay calm under pressure?
Kimberly: The best thing for staying calm feels counterintuitive: first, acknowledge where you're at. We spend a lot of energy pushing hard emotions aside, which only makes them grow. Take a moment, close the door, turn off notifications, and allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. It doesn't have to be long, but allowing the feeling to be there often brings wisdom about what is most important right now. It's about allowing, not resisting.
Host: Sometimes, even as a recognized high performer, we have hidden patterns. How do we break them?
Kimberly: Again, it starts with being aware of the patterns. Usually, they are there to protect us from feeling something we don't want to feel. For me, taking on others' tasks was a way to avoid the anxiety of seeing them struggle. Once you're aware, create a habit-breaking phrase or action. For me, my mantra is: "The person who does the work does the learning." This helps me step back and wait to be asked for help. It's these small, one-degree turns that add up to big improvements.
Host: "The person who does the work does the learning." That's beautiful. As a certified coach and creative entrepreneur with three kids, how do you blend structure and balance in your life?
Kimberly: For me, consistency is a key value, but I've learned that consistency is about being flexible, not rigid. With kids, life is unpredictable. So, it's about flowing with the time I am given and being as consistent as I can, while also noticing the natural progression of my own creativity and energy. It's about consistent flexibility.
Host: For a new leader who wants to understand their own psychology to thrive, how do you blend human psychology with leadership?
Kimberly: The Enneagram shows us there are nine equally valid perspectives. Each type has different fears, desires, and motivations, and each is equally capable of leadership—but they will have a different pathway. The key is understanding what you uniquely bring to the table—your gifts and your struggles. Don't try to put on someone else's leadership hat. By understanding your unique style, you become the leader you're meant to be.
Host: Is it about dawning a different hat every day or being consistent in one authentic identity?
Kimberly: It's a bit of both. We all have multiple identities (mother, leader, friend), and we are slightly different in each, but we are still ourselves. Being authentic is crucial, but we have different parts of ourselves that "ride shotgun" in different areas of our life. It's about being true to yourself while being emotionally intelligent in each situation.
Rapid Fire Round
Host: Let's do a quick rapid fire!
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Are leaders born or can emotional intelligence and psychology make them great?
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Kimberly: Emotional intelligence and psychology can make leaders great. Absolutely.
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How can mastering your emotions transform the way you lead?
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Kimberly: It helps you show up more authentically and more emotionally intelligent.
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Can psychology help leaders prevent mistakes before they happen?
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Kimberly: Yes. And it helps them repair when mistakes are made.
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How do the world's top leaders stay calm under extreme pressure?
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Kimberly: By stepping away and getting clear on their own values and what they need at that time.
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What is the secret behind teams that thrive under high-stress leadership?
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Kimberly: High psychological safety and a feeling of collaboration and meaning.
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Host: Thank you so much, Kimberly, for this incredible conversation on emotional intelligence, leadership, and psychology.
Kimberly: Thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure.
Host (to viewers): Hope you enjoyed this discussion on everything from burnout and imposter syndrome to the practical application of psychology in leadership. Keep tuning in. See you in the next video