When You Change Your Story, Your Nervous System Changes First | Change Your Nervous System State and Your Story Changes | Why Your Nervous System Keeps Choosing What Hurts

January 5, 2026 - By Omkar

Have you ever felt so scared that your heart beat like a drum in your chest? Or so happy that you felt warm and fizzy inside, like a soda pop? What about when you’re trying to fall asleep, but your brain just won’t stop talking about tomorrow’s big test or that game you lost?

That’s your nervous system talking to you. It’s like a supercomputer inside your body that controls how you feel, how fast your heart beats, how you breathe, and even how you think. It’s always listening, especially to the words you say in your own head.

Now, think about your favorite story. Maybe it’s about a hero going on a quest, a character who overcomes a huge fear, or even a memory of yourself doing something really brave. Stories are powerful. They make us cry, laugh, and lean forward in our chairs.

But did you know that the stories you tell yourself in your own head are the most powerful of all? They are like secret instructions, or a special code, that you are sending to your nervous system computer every single minute.

Here’s the magic secret that scientists and wise people both agree on: When you change your story, your nervous system changes first.

This means that before your real life changes, the feelings in your body change. And from that new, calmer place, you can do amazing things. You can be braver, think clearer, and connect with others better. This isn’t just a nice idea—it’s science! And it’s also a kind of superpower that the best leaders and creators use.

Let’s learn how this works, in a way you can understand. And guess what? This superpower isn’t just for calming down—it’s the exact same skill that people use to build amazing things in the world, even in storytelling for business. It all starts inside you.

Chapter 1: Your Body’s Amazing Control Room

Imagine your nervous system is not just a computer, but a big, beautiful, living garden. In this garden, there are two main caretakers with very different jobs. They both love you and want to protect you, but they have very different ways of doing it.

The Guard Dog (The Sympathetic Nervous System): This caretaker’s name is Sammy. Sammy’s job is safety first! He is always watching, always sniffing the air for danger. He’s loyal and fast. If he thinks there’s a threat—like a big dog barking, a sudden loud noise, or even a scary thought like “I’m going to fail!”—he jumps into action. He barks a loud, sharp warning: “ALERT! ALERT! DANGER!”

When Sammy barks, your whole body listens instantly:
- Your heart pounds fast to pump energy to your muscles so you can run or fight.
- Your breath gets quick and shallow to get more oxygen.
- Your tummy might feel funny because digestion (which isn’t needed for an emergency) slows down.
- Your brain focuses only on the danger. It’s hard to think about math or be creative when Sammy is barking!
This is called the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. It’s fantastic for real, immediate danger—like getting out of the way of a speeding bike. Thank you, Sammy!
The Wise Gardener (The Parasympathetic Nervous System): This caretaker’s name is Wanda. Wanda is calm, smart, and patient. Her job is to help you “rest, digest, and connect.” She tends to the flowers, waters the plants, and makes sure the garden is growing. When Wanda is in charge, you feel safe and peaceful.

When Wanda is doing her work, your body feels:
- Your heart beats slowly and steadily, like a calm drum.
- Your breath is deep and easy, filling your lungs all the way down to your belly.
- Your digestion works perfectly—you can enjoy your food!
- Your brain is clear, creative, and friendly. You can solve puzzles, listen to a friend’s problem, and come up with great ideas.

Most days, Sammy and Wanda take turns. You need both! Sammy helps you sprint in a race. Wanda helps you hug your pet and fall asleep.

But here’s the problem: sometimes, Sammy the Guard Dog gets a little too good at his job. He starts barking at things that aren’t real physical dangers. He barks at a worried thought about next week. He barks at the memory of a mistake you made yesterday. He barks when you just imagine something going wrong.

When Sammy barks all day long at thoughts, your body feels like it’s in constant “alert mode.” You might feel jittery, have a tummy ache, find it hard to focus, or snap at your friends. This is called being dysregulated—your nervous system garden is out of balance.

So, what tells Sammy to start barking or Wanda to start gardening?

Often, it’s the story you are telling yourself in your mind.

Chapter 2: Stories Are Your Mind’s Remote Control

Think of the stories in your head as a remote control with two big buttons for your nervous system garden.

The BIG RED BUTTON has a picture of a barking dog. This is the “Alert!” button.
The BIG GREEN BUTTON has a picture of a growing flower. This is the “Calm and Connect” button.

The words you say to yourself press these buttons.

Let’s play out two different mornings:

Morning 1: The Scary Story Channel
You wake up and the first thoughts in your head are:
“Ugh, today is Monday. It’s going to be terrible. I have that math test last period. I’m so bad at math, I’m definitely going to fail. Then at lunch, my friends probably won’t save me a seat. What if I have to sit alone? This day is going to be the worst.”

You are telling yourself a story of fear, failure, and loneliness. Even though you’re still safe in your bed, you are pressing the BIG RED BUTTON over and over. Your nervous system listens: “Danger! Sound the alarm!” Sammy the Guard Dog starts barking. Your heart might race before you even stand up. Your muscles get tense. You start your day already feeling tired and worried. Your story created a scared body.

Morning 2: The Brave Story Channel
You wake up and the first thoughts are:
“Okay, today is Monday. There are some challenges, but I can handle them. I have a math test later. I studied a bit, and I can ask the teacher a question if I get stuck. At lunch, I can walk up to my friends with a smile. Maybe I can even ask someone new how their weekend was. Today has good parts and hard parts, and I’ll get through it.”

You are telling yourself a story of challenge, resourcefulness, and connection. You are pressing the BIG GREEN BUTTON. Your nervous system listens: “It’s safe. We have what we need.” Wanda the Wise Gardener gets to work. Your breathing stays calm. Your heart is steady. You feel a sense of “I can do this.” Your story created a regulated, ready body.

Same day. Different story. Different nervous system.

You are the storyteller of your own mind. And the most exciting news is that you can learn to change the channel. You can pick up a different remote and tell a new story. This skill is the root of all storyteller tactics, whether you’re calming your anxiety or telling a story to your whole class.

Chapter 3: How to Change Your Channel – Storyteller Tactics for You

Changing your story isn’t about pretending everything is perfect or lying to yourself. It’s about telling a story that is true AND helpful. It’s about being a good, kind author for yourself.

Here are some powerful storyteller tactics you can practice:

Tactic 1: Find the “But…” or “And…”
Your brain loves to state problems. Add a second part that is also true.

Old Story: “I’m really nervous about this presentation.”
New Story: “I’m really nervous about this presentation, BUT I practiced my part three times.” or “I’m really nervous about this presentation, AND I know my topic well.”
Why it works: It tells Sammy the Guard Dog, “Yes, there’s a challenge here, AND we have some tools and skills.” This makes the danger feel smaller.

Tactic 2: Be the Hero, Not the Victim
In your story, who are you? Are you the character that things just happen to? Or are you the main character who can take small, brave actions?

Old Story (Victim): “My brother made me so mad he ruined my game!”
New Story (Hero): “I felt really mad when my brother interrupted my game. I can choose to take five deep breaths in my room. Then, I can choose to calmly tell him how I feel.”
Why it works: It gives you back your remote control. Heroes have choices. This feeling of control is a direct signal to Wanda the Wise Gardener to calm things down.

Tactic 3: Use Your Senses – The “Right Now” Story
When Sammy is barking loudly, tell a story about what is happening RIGHT NOW, using your five senses. This is called “grounding.”

Look around and silently tell yourself: “I see my blue pillow. I see the sunlight making a square on the floor. I hear a car driving by outside. I hear the clock ticking. I feel the soft blanket under my fingers. I feel my feet cozy in my socks.”
Why it works: Sammy barks at past memories and future worries. When you tell a detailed story about the safe, present moment, it confuses him. He looks around, sees no immediate danger, and starts to quiet down. This is a direct way to press the GREEN button.

Tactic 4: Rewrite the Ending of an Old Story
We all have old stories that hurt us, like “I’m not good at sports” or “I’m shy.” Write a new ending based on one small piece of evidence.

Old Story: “I’m not athletic. I always get picked last.”
New Evidence: “Last week, I kicked the soccer ball really far at recess.”
New Story: “I’m working on my soccer skills. Last week, I had a great kick! I can practice more if I want to.”
Why it works: It teaches your brain to look for proof of what you can do, not just what you think you can’t.

When you practice these tactics, you are doing something scientists call self-regulation. You are becoming the boss of your feelings, not the other way around. This calm, boss energy is what grown-ups call leadership presence. It’s not about being the loudest or the bossiest. It’s about being so steady and calm inside that others feel safe and steady around you. People are naturally drawn to that feeling. It’s magnetic!

Chapter 4: Your Superpower in the Wider World – Storytelling for Business

Now, let’s take this superpower out into the wider world. Grown-ups use this exact same power every day in their work, and they have a special name for it: storytelling for business. This might sound complicated, but it’s really just using your nervous system superpower to connect with more people.

What is a business? It’s just a group of people trying to do something helpful together. And what’s the best way to connect people? You guessed it: a story.

All the fancy business terms are just different ways of using a story:

Brand Storytelling: This is the BIG, main story of what a company believes and why it exists. It’s like the company’s personality story.
- Example: Disney’s story is about “magic, wonder, and happy endings.” Patagonia’s story is about “loving and protecting the amazing outdoors.” TOMS Shoes’ original story was about “giving a pair of shoes to a child in need for every pair you buy.”
- How it connects: When people believe in and feel good about a company’s big story, they want to be part of it. They feel a connection. That good feeling in their body (hello, Wanda the Gardener!) makes them want to buy from that company, not just any company.
Storytelling in Business Communication: This is how people inside a company talk to each other. A good leader doesn’t just say, “We need to work harder.” They tell a story.
- Example: “Team, remember last quarter when our website crashed right before the big sale? We were all stressed (that was our Guard Dogs barking!). But we came together, fixed the problem, and learned how to make it stronger. That was a tough chapter in our story. Now, this new project is our next chapter. It’s challenging, but we’ve proven we can handle challenges together. I know we can do this.”
- How it connects: This story acknowledges the fear (calming Sammy), reminds them of their strength (activating Wanda), and builds a team. It’s storytelling in business communication that regulates the whole team’s nervous system!
Storytelling for Business Pitch: This is when someone has an idea and needs support, money, or help. They don’t just show numbers; they tell a story about a person they want to help.
- Example: “Let me tell you about Maya, a ten-year-old who loves science but doesn’t have any fun experiment kits at home. She feels bored and frustrated. Our ‘Science-in-a-Box’ kit is designed for kids like Maya. Each month, she gets a new, exciting experiment that makes her feel like a real scientist. We’re not just selling a box; we’re helping the next generation discover a love for science.”
- How it connects: This is way more powerful than saying, “We sell science kits for $29.99.” It makes the listener care about Maya. It creates an emotional connection. This is how business storytelling works to win support.
Storytelling Marketing: Every advertisement you see is trying to tell a tiny story.
- Example: A cereal ad shows a family laughing around the breakfast table, not just a picture of the cereal box. The story is: “Eating this cereal = happy family time.”
- How it connects: It links a product to a feeling (safety, joy, belonging) in your nervous system.

This whole world of storytelling business is built on one simple truth: people decide based on how they feel, and then use logic to justify it. A good story makes them feel safe, inspired, or hopeful. It invites Wanda the Wise Gardener in them to say “Yes!”

Chapter 5: Start Your Own Story – Where to Begin

So, how can you start? Maybe you have a lemonade stand, a school project you’re proud of, an idea for an app, or a dream to start something one day. The path is the same. This is business storytelling where to start.

Step 1: Find Your “Why?” Story (The Gardener’s Seed)
Ask yourself: Why do I care about this? What problem does it solve? How does it make someone’s life better, happier, or easier?

My Lemonade Stand: “I’m not just selling lemonade. I’m creating a friendly spot on our hot street where neighbors can smile, say hi, and feel refreshed.”
This “Why” is your core story. It’s the seed Wanda would plant.

Step 2: Use the “Hero’s Journey” (The Classic Story)
This is a pattern for almost every great story ever told. You can use it too!

The Hero (Your Customer): There’s a person with a problem. (Example: “Parents are tired and run down.”)
The Guide (That’s YOU!): The hero meets a guide who understands them and has a tool. (Example: “My lemonade stand understands you need a quick, cold treat.”)
The Plan (Your Product/Service): The guide gives the hero a simple plan. (Example: “Try this delicious, homemade lemonade.”)
The Success: The hero avoids failure and succeeds! (Example: “The parent feels refreshed, happy, and connects with their kid while buying a drink.”)
The New Life: The hero’s life is better. (Example: “Their afternoon is a little brighter and easier.”)
This simple storytelling marketing structure works for everything, from a book report to a billion-dollar company.

Step 3: Be Real – Share the Chapter Where You Messed Up
People trust real stories, not perfect ones. Did you use too much sugar the first time? Did your poster rip? Share that! “My first batch was way too sweet! I learned to taste-test with my sister. Now we have the perfect recipe.” This builds huge trust because it’s human. It shows your nervous system is regulated enough to be honest, not pretending to be perfect.

Using storytelling for business pitch or just to share your idea is never about tricking people. It’s about connecting with them on a human level. When you share a true, helpful story, you are inviting them into your calm, regulated nervous system. They feel your confidence and care. This is the ultimate secret to how to grow your business with storytelling. You grow it by growing connection first.

Chapter 6: You Hold the Remote – A New Story Every Day

Let’s bring it all back to you, right now. Everything starts inside your own body and mind. The story you tell yourself when you look in the mirror sets the tone for your day. The story you tell your teammate when they drop the ball builds your team’s resilience. The story you tell about your idea builds its wings.

When you change your inner story from “I can’t handle this” to “This is tough, and I’m going to try,” you are physically pressing the calm, green button on your nervous system. The Guard Dog, Sammy, lets out a sigh and lies down in the sun. The Wise Gardener, Wanda, smiles and gets back to tending your beautiful, strong inner garden.

From that calm place, magic happens:

Your thinking brain comes back online. You can solve problems.
Your creativity blossoms. You can come up with new ideas.
Your heart opens. You can be kind to others and to yourself.
Your presence becomes magnetic. People feel good being around your calm energy.

This is the beautiful mix—the powerful intersection of science (your amazing, physical nervous system) and spirit (your timeless power to choose, to mean, and to connect). It’s the heart of true storytelling.

Whether you are calming your own fears before a big game, giving a speech in class, or someday building a storytelling business that helps thousands of people, the rule is the same.

Change your story. Change your nervous system. Then, watch your world change.

So tonight, before you sleep, try it. Tell yourself a good story. Tell the story of today where you were kind, where you tried something a little hard, where you learned something new. Feel your body relax into the mattress. Hear your breath get slower and deeper.

That’s your power. You’ve always had it. You hold the remote. You are the storyteller of your life.

Start now. What story will you tell tomorrow?

Why Your Nervous System Keeps Choosing What Hurts

We all carry more than just cognitive memories throughout our lives. We carry nervous-system imprints, which include embedded energetic threads of survival, longing, and the familiar ache of childhood. To heal these, you have to dive beneath the surface—into the space where what happened still quietly shapes what is. This process involves learning to recognize your own nervous system’s language, why it reacts the way it does, and gently rewire the nervous system pattern from wound to wisdom.

Why We Repeat Old Wounds

When you grow up in an environment where love, safety, or belonging are inconsistent or unhealthy, your nervous system learns to find homeostasis in a state of unpredictability. A nervous system wires itself around what it knows, not necessarily what feels good.

If rejection, inconsistency, or neglect were part of your early story, your nervous system memorized that rhythm. In these cases, what it learns is how to brace, adapt, and recover in response to events. Later, when peace or stability finally arrives, your body can misread them as foreign or even unsafe, as they don’t match your ingrained experiential survival map.

Because of this, we’re often unconsciously drawn toward people and situations that echo these old wounds. The reason for this: Deep down, the nervous system is trying to finish an unfinished story. It hopes this time, love will stay, care will come through, or we’ll finally prove we’re worthy.

Incredibly, even once the danger is gone, the nervous system doesn’t automatically update its operating system. The deep alarms embedded in our bodies keep scanning for rejection, betrayal, or abandonment, replaying the past in the present tense.

There’s also a hormonal and biochemical process occurring, too. What happens is that the highs and lows of familiar relationships can trigger a powerful mix of cortisol, adrenaline, and dopamine, similarly activating the chemistry of early attachment. That “spark” we sometimes call love can actually be our nervous system lighting up because it’s found the same old pattern.

Rewriting the Body's Memory

The nervous system can learn new ways of functioning through neuroplasticity, which is the brain's ability to change it's understanding about what is possible in life. Instead of being stuck with the imprint shaped from early life or trauma, your system can learn safety, trust, and calm.

Here are some steps for working with your nervous system and retraining it to interpret the present in a more accurate and congruent manner.

Body-centered therapies like somatic experiencing, sensorimotor psychotherapy, psychedelic-assisted therapy, or EMDR help regulate in places that are deeper than words. These approaches can help you access those places in your nervous system where you cannot reach cognitively.
Creating safe relationships with people who stay steady, kind, and attuned offers living proof that connection doesn’t have to hurt. Working to attract and build the relationships that you truly needed when your nervous system was still forming is another pathway to updating your nervous system.
Building mindful awareness helps you notice sensations, emotions, and impulses before they return to old reactions. Mindfulness practices help slow down the process between perception and reaction, where new opportunities exist.
Naming the pattern also allows your adult self to step in: “Ah, this is that old story again.” Once you name the pattern, it’s no longer running the show unseen.

Research increasingly supports taking an integrative approach to work with your nervous system. Integrating body awareness, relational safety, and mindfulness practices fosters deep shifts in nervous system regulation and emotional resilience.

A Gentle Invitation

A practice for helping you rewire your nervous system is to notice when you feel pulled toward the familiar ache. Pause. Ask your body, What feels known about this? Instead of judging the pull, get curious about it. Awareness is what begins to rewrite the pattern.

The path from wound to wisdom isn’t linear. On some days, your system will reach for the old. That’s not failure—it’s loyalty to what once kept you alive. Each time you notice, breathe, or choose something new, you’re showing your body that safety can exist without the storm. Each step leads to a more sustainable relationship with your nervous system.

The Quiet Work of Rewiring

Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to rewire itself based on what you experience, practice, and feel. Think of it like rewriting your emotional DNA. A healing experience can help your brain literally update its connections, building new roads and pruning old ones. Over time, those new pathways become the map your body follows toward safety, connection, and a life no longer ruled by old survival codes.

You’re not broken—you’re brilliantly adaptive. You just learned safety in a language that is satisfying for you and your nervous system. Healing involves teaching your nervous system a new one.

Change Your Nervous System State and Your Story Changes

The frameworks used by Deb Dana in Polyvagal Theory and Brené Brown in Rising Strong align beautifully with trauma-informed law.

Deb Dana, LCSW and leader in polyvagal theory, offers a profound insight into how our nervous system state shapes how we feel about ourselves and the world. She created the Autonomic Mapping Exercise to help us understand our nervous system and the three states (and combinations) we all experience throughout each day.

Brené Brown, Social Researcher, bestselling author of books on courage, vulnerability, shame, empathy and leadership shared a story in her famous TED Talk that became the framework she writes about in Rising Strong.

Deb says the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and how the world are determined by which state(s) of the nervous system we are in currently. She says story follows state—meaning that our nervous system’s state shapes our thoughts, feelings, beliefs. She suggests (and neuroscience supports) that it is futile to try to change what we think without first changing our autonomic state. Once the state changes, then the stories we tell ourselves shift more authentically and organically.

Similarly, Brené Brown points out that when something happens, we are neurobiologically wired to make meaning quickly—even before we are fully certain of what happened. We invent stories to make sense of experiences, and our brain chemically rewards us for those stories, whether the stories are accurate or not. Her Rising Strong process invites us to test and revise our stories, especially when vulnerability or struggle arises.

How These Two Frameworks Complement Each Other and Align with Trauma-Informed Law

We’re wired to narrate rapidly. Deb Dana and Brené Brown both emphasize that our brains scramble to form a narrative—to bring coherence—even under uncertainty. That coherence feels stabilizing even if the story distorts what really happened.
State comes before story. Deb Dana teaches that if our autonomic system is in sympathetic mobilization (fight/flight) or dorsal shutdown, our thoughts, fears, beliefs, and the stories we craft will follow that state. If we regulate into ventral safety, our narratives change too.
Test stories after you shift state. Brené Brown encourages a pause to ask ourselves: What stories am I telling myself? Are they serving me or trapping me? But if we try to challenge these stories while in a dysregulated state, we often reinforce them. Instead, Deb Dana offers tools to move the system into regulation first, then Brené Brown invites us to get curious about the narratives we have created and test them.

In trauma-informed law, nervous-system regulation is the key to working with clients navigating conflict, trauma, or crisis.

When we work with legal clients navigating conflict, trauma, or crisis, we’re often engaging with nervous systems that are dysregulated. They may be in a sympathetic fight-or-flight response, or in dorsal shutdown. In either case, trying to reason with them, correct their story, or extract precise facts is unlikely to work. In fact, it can escalate distress or entrench disconnection.

Deb Dana reminds us: don’t try to change the story—help change the state. From there, new thoughts, beliefs, and interpretations will arise more organically. That means our role, first and foremost, is to become a regulated and regulating presence. We co-regulate through tone, pace, posture, presence, and attunement.

Rather than argue or challenge what a client is saying when they are flooded or shut down, we ask:

What does this nervous system need right now?

🌸 About Neeti Keswani

Neeti Keswani is the founder of Plush Ink and host of the Luxury Unplugged Podcast, where luxury meets spirituality. As an author, storyteller, and self-improvement coach, she helps conscious creators and professionals align with purpose, identity, and abundance through mindset transformation and emotional healing.
Her mission is to empower people to live with intention, authenticity, and joy — blending inner work with outer success.
Connect with Neeti:
🎙️ Luxury Unplugged Podcast — https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/luxury-unplugged-podcast-where-luxury-meets-spirituality/id1551277118
📖 Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/luxuryunpluggedpodcast/
💼 LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/neetikeswani/
🌐 Plush Ink — https://www.plush-ink.co