From Approval Addiction to Inner Authority: Your Journey to Being Your Own Best Friend | What Is Approval Addiction? Breaking Free from Validation Traps | Addiction to External Validation

From Approval Addiction to Inner Authority: Your Journey to Being Your Own Best Friend

From Approval Addiction to Inner Authority: Becoming Your Own Best Friend

What if the biggest obstacle between you and inner peace isn’t failure, fear, or lack of opportunity—but your addiction to approval?

Approval addiction is the unconscious habit of seeking validation, praise, and acceptance from others to feel worthy, safe, or “enough.” It shows up as people-pleasing, over-explaining, fear of disappointing others, and constantly adjusting yourself to be liked. On the surface, it looks like kindness or ambition. Beneath it, however, lies a deep disconnection from your own inner authority.

When your self-worth depends on external validation, your life becomes reactive. Decisions are made to avoid rejection, not to honor truth. Your voice softens. Your boundaries blur. And slowly, you lose the most important relationship of all—the one with yourself.

This journey from approval addiction to inner authority is not about becoming indifferent or selfish. It’s about learning to trust yourself again. It’s about shifting from “Do they approve of me?” to “Do I approve of myself?” As you break free from validation traps, you begin to build a grounded, compassionate relationship with your inner world—one where you become your own safest place, your own guide, your own best friend.

In this blog, we’ll explore what approval addiction really is, how it forms, the hidden costs of living for validation, and the practical steps to reclaim your inner authority—so your confidence, decisions, and self-worth come from within, not from the opinions of others.

Do you ever feel like you’re on a never-ending rollercoaster, and the controls are in someone else’s hands? One day you’re up, up, UP because someone gave you a compliment or a like. The next day, you’re crashing down because of a mean comment or a weird look. Your heart feels like a ping-pong ball, bouncing between “they like me!” and “they don’t like me!”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Almost everyone, at some point, has felt this. It’s like we’re all born with a little meter on our hearts that says “Approval Needed.” When it’s full, we feel happy and safe. When it’s empty, we feel scared and shaky.

This is what we call Approval Addiction. It means we are addicted to—we really, really need—other people’s thumbs-up to feel okay.

But what if I told you there’s a secret power inside you? A power that lets you fill up your own meter? A voice that says, “My friend, you are already enough.” This is your Inner Authority. It’s like becoming the captain of your own ship, the author of your own story, and the best friend to your own heart.

This blog is a map for a very special adventure called the healing journey. It’s about healing old hurts, calming big fears, and learning the most important sentence you’ll ever say: “I decide who I am.”

So, grab your explorer’s hat. We’re going on a trip to the most important place in the world: inside you.

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Part 1: The Wobbly Chair and the Little You – Where It All Begins

Let’s start with a picture. Imagine you have to sit on a chair all day, but one of its legs is loose. It wobbles and tips with every move. You’re so focused on not falling that you can’t relax, read a book, or enjoy anything! You might even start asking people to come hold the chair for you. But what happens when they walk away? You wobble again.

For many people, their sense of self—their feeling of being a good, solid person—is like that wobbly chair. The loose leg is a hidden fear: “If I am just myself, will I be safe? Will I be loved?”

This fear often doesn’t start today. It starts a long time ago, when you were much smaller. It lives in a part of you we call your inner child.

What is Your Inner Child?
Your inner child isn’t a ghost or a weird thing. It’s simply the memory of you as a kid—all your feelings, wonders, and needs—that still lives inside your heart and brain today. When you feel suddenly super excited about bubbles, or feel a sting of tears when someone yells, that’s your inner child feeling those things.

Healing your inner child is the first and most important step on this path. Why? Because that little you learned how to survive.

Maybe little you learned:

• “When I am quiet and don’t make a fuss, I get a smile.” (So you learn: My needs are bothersome.)

• “When I get an A+, I get a party. When I get a B, I get a lecture.” (So you learn: My worth is my grade.)

• “When I cry, they say ‘Stop it, you’re too sensitive.’” (So you learn: My feelings are wrong.)

To feel safe and loved, that little you started to hide the “unacceptable” parts. You put on a mask. You became a people-pleaser. This creates what we call inner child healing inner fear—a deep, old fear that the real you is not welcome in the world.

So, the wobbly chair gets built. We think, “I am only steady if someone is holding me (approving of me).” We carry this belief to school, to friendships, and even into grown-up jobs.

Think of an adult with a lemonade stand, but they are terrified to put up a sign because someone might not like their lemonade. This is like overcoming the fear of judgment as an online entrepreneur. It’s the same wobbly chair, just in a bigger body! The entrepreneur’s healing journey begins right here, by understanding that this fear is older than their business—it’s from their inner child.

The first step in how to get healing is simply to see the chair. To notice: “Oh! I’m feeling wobbly. I’m looking for someone to tell me I’m okay.” And then, with great kindness, say to yourself: “We’re going to fix this leg for good.”

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Part 2: Your Body’s Alarm System – Nervous System Recalibration (The Science of Feeling Safe)

Okay, so we know there’s a wobbly chair and a scared inner child. But why does it feel so real? Why does your heart pound or your stomach hurt when you think someone is mad at you?

This is because of your nervous system. Think of it as your body’s super-smart security team. Its only job is to keep you alive. Millions of years ago, danger was a tiger. Today, your nervous system often mistakes social danger (like criticism or rejection) for a tiger!

When it senses “DANGER!” it flips a switch. This is the “Fight, Flight, or Freeze” response.

• Fight: You get argumentative and angry.

• Flight: You want to run away and avoid people.

• Freeze: You feel stuck, blank, and can’t think.

For your inner child, a parent’s frown or a friend’s exclusion felt like a tiger—a threat to your survival because you needed them to live. So your nervous system learned: “Social disapproval = DANGER. Sound the alarm!”

Nervous system recalibration is a fancy term for teaching your security team new rules. We’re saying, “Hey, brave guard. Thank you for working so hard. But that frown is not a tiger. I am safe right now in my body. You can stand down.”

This is how we heal your inner child at the deepest level—by giving their body the safety it never had.

Your Calm-Down Toolkit: Exercises for Your Nervous System

You can’t just think your way out of a nervous system alarm. You have to show your body it’s safe. Here’s how:

1. The Grounding Game (For When You Feel Spaced Out or Scared)
This is for “freeze” or “flight” feelings.

• Look: Name 5 things you can see. “I see a blue pen, a green plant, a red book, my yellow sock, a crack in the ceiling.”

• Feel: Name 4 things you can feel. “I feel the soft rug under my feet, the cool air on my skin, the fabric of my shirt, my watch on my wrist.”

• Listen: Name 3 things you can hear. “I hear a bird outside, the hum of the fridge, my own breathing.”

• Smell: Name 2 things you can smell. “I smell the soap on my hands, the air in the room.”

• Taste: Name 1 thing you can taste. “I taste the mint from my toothpaste.”

This forces your brain to connect with the present, safe moment, not the scary story in your head.

2. The Hand-on-Heart Hug (For Instant Comfort)
This is a direct message of care to your inner child.

• Place your right hand gently on your heart. Place your left hand on top of it.

• Feel the warmth of your hands. Feel your heartbeat.

• Take three slow, soft breaths. Imagine sending kindness from your hands right into your heart.

• Silently say, “It’s okay. You’re safe. I’m here with you.” You are the loving parent your inner child needed.

3. The Sigh of Relief (To Release Tension)

• Take a deep breath in through your nose.

• Let it out through your mouth with a long, loud “AAAAAHHHH” sigh, like you just put down a heavy backpack.

• Do this 3 times. It tells your nervous system to relax.

Doing these exercises is like daily training for your calmness muscle. Every time you do them, you are building a new, solid floor inside yourself. You are not just thinking about safety; you are feeling it. This is the core practice of how to get healing for your jittery nerves.

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Part 3: Meeting Your Inner Captain – Authority Embodiment (Becoming the Boss of You)

Now, let’s meet the hero of your inner world: your Inner Authority. We’ll call them your Inner Captain.

If your inner child is the feeling, remembering part of you (sometimes scared, sometimes joyful), your Inner Captain is the wise, calm, and strong decision-maker. They are the part that knows what’s true for you.

Authority Embodiment means “living from” this Captain. It’s not about being bossy to others. It’s about being the kind, firm boss of YOUR own life. It means your Captain is in the driver’s seat, not your scared inner child and not the opinions of other people.

How do you find and strengthen this Captain? You practice, just like a knight practices with a sword.

Training Exercises for Your Inner Captain:

1. The Power Pose (Before Something Hard)
Your body shapes your mind. Before a test, a presentation, or a hard conversation:

• Stand tall. Feet apart.

• Put your hands on your hips. Pull your shoulders back. Lift your chin.

• Stand like a superhero who just saved the city. Breathe deeply for 2 full minutes.

• This tells your brain, “I am strong. I am confident.” Science proves it lowers stress chemicals!

2. The “I Decide” Journal
Get a notebook. Every day, write down small decisions you made for YOURSELF.

• “I decided to wear my striped socks today because I like them.”

• “I decided to read my book instead of watching what my brother was watching.”

• “I decided my drawing was finished when I felt it was done, not when someone else said so.”
  This builds your “decision muscle” and proves to yourself that you are in charge.

3. The Boundary Bubble
Imagine you have a beautiful, shiny bubble around you. This is your space. Inside this bubble, your rules matter.

• Practice saying in the mirror: “No, thank you.” “I don’t want to.” “I see it differently.”

• You don’t have to be mean. Just clear. Your Inner Captain protects your bubble.

4. The New Story Mantra
This is the most powerful tool. Your old story was: “Tell me who to be so I can be safe.”
Your new story is: “I DECIDE WHO I AM.”
Write it. Say it. Sing it. Whisper it when you’re scared. Shout it when you’re happy. This sentence is your magic spell.

For someone on the healing journey as an entrepreneur, embodying authority might look like:

• Creating a product that they believe in, even if it’s not the popular trend.

• Setting work hours that protect their family time, even if other bosses work 24/7.

• Saying a confident “no” to a bad deal, trusting their own judgment.

It’s like being in a great game called “Where Winds Meet.” In this game, you are a healer in the healing profession. The “winds” are all the opinions, trends, and judgments blowing from every direction. Your job isn’t to block the wind or run from it. Your healing profession is to learn to stand firmly in your Inner Authority, to be the calm, unmovable center of the storm. You heal yourself by becoming unshakable.

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Part 4: Talking to Your Heart – The Magic of Inner Child Meditation

We’ve calmed the body with recalibration. We’ve strengthened the mind with authority. Now, let’s connect them directly through the heart. This is where deep, deep healing your inner child happens.

One of the most beautiful ways to do this is through inner child healing meditation. It’s a special quiet time where you, the present-day you, can talk to and comfort the younger you.

Think of it like time-travel friendship.

Here is a guide for an inner child healing meditation by Great Meditation. (“Great Meditation” isn’t one person—it’s the wisdom of all the teachers who know this truth: love is the greatest healer.)

Find a Quiet Spot: Sit or lie down comfortably. Have a pillow or stuffed animal if you want.

Step 1: Arrive in Your Body.
Close your eyes if it feels safe. Take three long, slow breaths. Breathe in peace, breathe out noise. Feel your body resting on the floor or chair. You are here now. You are safe.

Step 2: Imagine Your Safe Place.
In your mind, picture the safest, most wonderful place you can imagine. Maybe it’s a sunny beach with soft sand. A cozy fort full of pillows and blankets. A secret meadow with friendly animals. Build it with your imagination. See the colors. Feel the temperature (perfectly warm or cool). Hear the peaceful sounds.

Step 3: Invite Your Inner Child.
Now, from a path in your safe place, see your younger self walking toward you. How old are they? What are they wearing? Look at their face. Do they look happy? curious? shy? sad? Don’t force it. Just see who shows up.

Step 4: Greet Them with Love.
In your mind, give them your kindest smile. You can say hello inside your heart. You might say:

• “Hi there. I’ve been waiting to meet you.”

• “I see you. It’s so good to see you.”

• “You don’t have to be anything for me. I’m just happy you’re here.”

Step 5: Listen and Give.
Ask them what they need. You might hear words, or just get a feeling.

• Do they need to hear “You are so loved”?

• Do they need to be told “It wasn’t your fault”?

• Do they need to play? To cry? To be held?
  In your mind, give them what they ask for. Sit and color with them. Hold their hand. Give them a hug. Tell them all the things you needed to hear: “You are smart. You are kind. You are enough just as you are. I will never leave you.”

Step 6: Make a Promise.
Tell your inner child, “I am grown now, and I am here for you. Whenever you feel scared, I will breathe with you. Whenever you need love, I will give it. We are a team.”

Step 7: Return Gently.
When it feels right, let your inner child know they can stay and play in the safe place anytime. Slowly bring your attention back to your real room. Wiggle your fingers and toes. Take a deep breath and open your eyes.

Doing this regularly is powerful inner child healing meditation. It directly soothes the inner child healing inner fear. It tells that deep, old part of you that you are not alone anymore. You are now your own protector and best friend. This is the heart of how to get healing.

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Part 5: Living Your New Story – “I Decide Who I Am” in Real Life

Knowing all this is great, but how does it work when you’re in the school hallway, at the dinner table, or posting online? This is where your new story comes to life. Let’s see it in action.

Your Old Story: “I need your approval to be valid, to be safe, to be me.”
Your New Story: “I DECIDE WHO I AM.”

Let’s play out some scenes:

Scene 1: The Critical Comment

• Situation: You share a poem you wrote. Someone says, “That’s kind of weird.”

• Old Story Reaction: Heart drops. Face gets hot. Think: “I’m a terrible writer. I’ll never share again. I need to write what they like.” The wobbly chair crashes.

• New Story Practice:

  1. Feel: Notice the sting. Put a hand on your heart. Take a deep breath. (Nervous System Recalibration)

  2. Check-In: Silently ask your inner child: “Does that hurt? It’s okay, I’m here.” Then ask your Inner Captain: “What is true for me?”

  3. Decide: Your Captain says: “I decide who I am. I am someone who loves writing and was brave enough to share. Their opinion is about their taste, not my worth.” You might say, “Thanks for your feedback,” and still feel proud of yourself inside.

Scene 2: The Fear of Starting

• Situation: You have an idea for a little online store selling your handmade bracelets, but you’re terrified of what people will say.

• Old Story Reaction: “No one will buy them. People will laugh at my photos. I’m not a real business person. I should just forget it.” This is overcoming the fear of judgment as an online entrepreneur.

• New Story Practice:

  1. Ground: Do the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding game. Feel your feet. You are here, safe at your desk.

  2. Connect: Do a quick inner child healing meditation. Comfort the part of you that’s scared of being laughed at. Tell them you’ll do this together.

  3. Embody: Stand in a Power Pose. Say: “I decide who I am. I am a creative maker testing out my ideas. My worth is not in my sales. My courage to try is the real success.” Then take one small action, like taking a photo of your beads.

Scene 3: The Comparison Trap

• Situation: You see someone on social media who seems smarter, cooler, and more popular.

• Old Story Reaction: “I’m a nobody. I need to dress like them, talk like them, be them to be liked.” The approval addiction screams for its fix.

• New Story Practice:

  1. Breathe: Sigh out loud three times. Release the tension of “not enough.”

  2. Mantra: Look in the mirror and say, “I am not them. I am me. And I decide who I am. I am on my own healing journey, and that is perfect.”

  3. Act: Close the app. Do something that makes YOUR inner child happy—draw, dance, play with a pet. You are choosing you.

Your Daily Healing Journey Map

Healing isn’t a one-time fix. It’s a path you walk every day. Here’s a simple map:

Morning (5 mins):

• Wake up and say: “Good morning, me. I decide who I am today.”

• Stretch your body. Stand in a Power Pose for one minute.

During the Day:

• When you feel a wobble, pause. Breathe. Feel your feet.

• Make at least one small choice just for YOU.

• Whisper your mantra: “I decide who I am.”

Evening (5-10 mins):

• Write in your “I Decide” journal.

• Practice the Hand-on-Heart Hug or a short inner child healing meditation.

• Thank yourself for showing up today.

Some days will be easy. Some days the old fears will roar back. On those hard days, be extra gentle. You are not failing. You are learning. Every time you choose your Inner Captain over the old panic, you are healing. You are walking your unique path, the one Where Winds Meet, and you are mastering your most important healing profession: being your own best friend.

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