Introduction: The Modern Juggling Act
If you’re a busy mom struggling to keep all the plates spinning, an entrepreneur burning the candle at both ends, or a busy professional feeling the constant pull between career and personal life, you are not alone. The quest for a sustainable work-life balance is one of the most significant challenges of our time. The constant juggle can lead to overwhelming stress and, if left unchecked, full-blown caregiver burnout.
In this deep dive, we explore profound, practical wisdom from someone who has been on the front lines of one of the most demanding fields imaginable. Our guide is Dr. Susan Landers, a retired neonatologist with over 30 years of experience in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). Throughout her distinguished career, she balanced the intense emotional and physical demands of caring for the most vulnerable newborns while raising three children of her own. Now, as the author of Defeating Burnout, she shares her journey and actionable strategies for thriving under pressure.
This article is more than just tips; it's a blueprint for navigating work-life balance, avoiding caregiver burnout, and maintaining harmony while caring for others. Whether you're a professional, entrepreneur, or caregiver, these insights are designed to help you create a more balanced and fulfilling life. We’ll explore the critical importance of communication, the non-negotiable nature of self-care, the power of a strong support system, and the often-overlooked role of spirituality in building resilience. Let's begin this journey toward a more harmonious and fulfilling life.
Part 1: The Foundation - Communication and Support Systems
Dr. Landers’ journey offers a powerful perspective on work-life balance. Her career began with a deeply personal trial: while working as a neonatologist, she herself went into premature labor at 25 weeks. This experience, she explains, was a brutal but invaluable lesson in the helplessness and fear that parents in her care felt every day.
"It taught me so much about the helplessness that mothers in the NICU feel... they're in a system that they're unfamiliar with, and they have to trust other people to care for their children," Dr. Landers recalls.
This empathy became the cornerstone of her practice. She learned that the first and most crucial step in navigating work-life balance and high-stress situations, whether in a hospital or at home, is open communication. For parents in crisis, this meant encouraging them to talk about their fears and struggles. For herself as a busy mom and professional, this meant building a marriage on a foundation of relentless honesty with her husband, a pediatric specialist.
"People asked me how I could work full-time, raise three kids, and be married 41 years? Well, that's because we shared everything," she states. "We talked. We shared our struggles. We shared our questions... We had to come to an agreement on how much work was enough, how much was too much."
This level of intentional communication is a powerful strategy for any busy professional or entrepreneur feeling the strain. It’s about giving your partner permission to see your stress and voice their concerns, creating a partnership that actively guards against burnout.
Beyond the partnership, Dr. Landers emphasizes the critical role of a broader support system, something she believes is severely undervalued in today's digital age.
"New mothers especially need to talk to other new mothers... The support system that we have with our friends and sometimes our family members is vital," she advises.
She shares a touching story of a mother whose son was in the NICU for six months. This mother remembered Dr. Landers not just for her medical care, but for encouraging her to take breaks, have lunch with a friend, and go on a date with her husband. She was the only one who told that mother to practice self-care.
"That made me feel so good because she figured out that survival for her during a critical time in her son's life depended on her own well-being."
This is a universal truth. For a busy mom, an entrepreneur, or any busy professional, survival and success depend on your own well-being. And that well-being is sustained by a web of human connection. We've underestimated the value of this human connection in our support systems, and rebuilding it is the first step toward a more fulfilling life.
Part 2: The Practical Strategies - Self-Care and Recognizing Burnout
Understanding the "why" of work-life balance is one thing; implementing the "how" is another. Dr. Landers is refreshingly candid about her own struggles, admitting she is a "workaholic" who had to consciously enforce boundaries.
"I had to make myself go home to see my kids, even though I wanted to see them and I loved being with them. It was hard to turn off intensive care."
Her actionable strategies for enforcing these boundaries were practical and powerful:
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Delegate the Watch: She gave her husband and colleagues explicit permission to tell her when she was becoming too stressed or absent. This external feedback is crucial for busy professionals who often lose self-awareness.
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Schedule "You" Time: She was meticulous about scheduling alone time, time with friends, and date nights with her husband.
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Integrate Joy with Duty: When formal exercise felt impossible, she found energy and fulfillment by playing with her children—riding bikes, playing ball, going to the playground.
The core of her approach to self-care is identifying what uniquely "fills your cup."
"I tell moms who are busy... they've got to find whatever it is that energizes them, that nourishes them. What is it that you do that fills you up when you feel like you're empty?" Dr. Landers asks. "Is it a walk? Is it a run? Is it coffee with a friend and talking? Is it writing in your journal? Is it meditating?"
For her, it was running and, at one stressful point, taking piano lessons. The act of focusing solely on the music provided a complete mental reset. The key is that self-care is not one-size-fits-all. It could be a Peloton ride, yoga, a bubble bath, or listening to music. The goal is to find the activity that makes you feel "alive and happy."
But what happens when you ignore these needs? This is where caregiver burnout begins. Dr. Landers describes it eloquently: "Burnout is like when you have a cup and you're serving others and you're pouring yourself out of this cup. Burnout is when you get to the end of the cup and there's nothing left in there."
The path to avoiding burnout starts with recognizing your personal "red flags." Everyone, she insists, knows what pushes them close to the edge.
"Each of us knows when we feel overdone... I think most people know, before they reach burnout, what it is that's really pushing them close to the edge."
For her, the red flags were a darkening mood, testiness, and—a moment she is honest about—yelling at her kids. The critical step after recognizing the red flag is to pause and assess the trigger.
"What pushed me this far? And what can I do about it?" she advises. "Sometimes you need to change jobs. Sometimes your manager is a jerk... Sometimes one particular child is really difficult and you need more help from your spouse... There's always something that can be done about the trigger."
This process of recognition and assessment is the most powerful strategy any busy mom or entrepreneur can learn for maintaining harmony and defeating burnout.
Part 3: The Deeper Dimensions - Spirituality and a Growth Mindset
For Dr. Landers, navigating work-life balance and the profound emotional toll of her career required tools that went beyond the practical. She found immense strength in spirituality and a commitment to lifelong learning.
In the NICU, parents would often ask the heart-wrenching question: "Why did this happen to my baby?" Some would express a belief that God was punishing them. In these moments, Dr. Landers’ role transcended that of a physician.
"I was able to say, 'You don't deserve this... But we can't understand God's will all the time... This is some kind of test that you will take years and years to understand.'"
This spiritual counsel, offered from a place of deep empathy, provided a framework of meaning that helped parents cope with unimaginable pain. For Dr. Landers herself, this spirituality was a cornerstone of her resilience. She would discuss difficult cases with her pastor, not for medical advice, but to process her own feelings and find peace so she could continue to be fully present for her patients.
This highlights a crucial point for every busy professional and caregiver: to sustain the ability to care for others, you must first tend to your own inner world. For some, this is formal religion; for others, it might be meditation, mindfulness, or time in nature. It’s about connecting to something larger than the immediate crisis, which is a vital strategy for maintaining harmony.
Alongside spirituality, Dr. Landers champions the "growth mindset" as a fundamental form of self-care.
"I always read like a banshee. I just wanted to gobble up self-help books especially to raise kids and to have a happy marriage and to be a good physician... I think having a growth mindset is really crucial in today's world."
In a culture that often glorifies "grinding," taking time to read, learn, and grow is a revolutionary act. It is an investment in yourself that pays dividends in patience, perspective, and new strategies for handling life's challenges. For the entrepreneur facing a business slump or the busy mom feeling stuck, picking up a book can be the first step toward a new, more fulfilling life.
Part 4: Redefining Luxury for a Fulfilling Life
Our conversation concluded with a topic at the very heart of the Luxury Unplugged philosophy: what does luxury truly mean? For someone who has achieved the highest levels of professional success, Dr. Landers’ answer was immediate and clear.
"Luxury to me is alone time. 'Me' time. Whether that's to exercise, take a walk, read a book, go out with a friend... That's luxury."
This redefinition is powerful. It moves luxury from the external and material—the expensive handbags and lavish vacations—to the internal and essential. For the busy mom drowning in demands, an uninterrupted hour is the ultimate luxury. For the busy professional tethered to emails, a phone-free walk is priceless. This aligns perfectly with the mission of redefining luxury beyond material things, focusing on emotional connection, personal growth, and meaningful experiences.
Dr. Landers beautifully ties this "me time" back to the core mission of caregiving. "When you're working and raising a family... they have got to find some 'me' time. And to me, that's the greatest luxury."
She even notes a generational shift, recalling a young Gen Z doctor who left a 50-hour-a-week job because he wanted more time to ski and be with his wife. While she was initially surprised, she recognized his desire for a more holistic work-life balance as a positive evolution.
In the end, creating a fulfilling life isn't about achieving a perfect, stress-free existence. It's about building a life with intention. It's about the intentional communication that strengthens your primary relationship. It's about the intentional cultivation of a support system. It's about the intentional practice of self-care that fills your cup. And it's about the intentional pursuit of growth and meaning that nourishes your soul.
Conclusion: Your Action Plan for Defeating Burnout
The insights from Dr. Susan Landers provide a compassionate and comprehensive roadmap for any busy mom, entrepreneur, or busy professional seeking a better work-life balance. The journey to defeating burnout and creating a more fulfilling life is built on several key pillars:
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Prioritize Open Communication: Talk to your partner. Share your struggles and fears. Make your relationship a safe harbor and a collaborative partnership for navigating work-life balance.
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Cultivate Your Support System: Intentionally build and lean on your network of friends, family, and colleagues. Remember, human connection is your best defense against caregiver burnout.
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Identify and Practice Your Unique Self-Care: Discover what truly fills your cup—whether it's running, reading, or playing piano—and protect that time fiercely. This is non-negotiable for avoiding burnout.
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Learn Your Red Flags and Triggers: Self-awareness is power. Know what pushes you toward the edge and have a plan to address the root cause.
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Nourish Your Inner World: Explore spirituality, meditation, or a growth mindset through reading and learning. This provides the resilience and perspective needed for thriving under pressure.
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Redefine Luxury: Embrace the luxury of time, space, and peace. See "me time" not as selfish, but as the essential fuel that allows you to care for others and live a fulfilling life.
Your journey toward maintaining harmony starts with a single step. Choose one strategy from this article and implement it today. Your future, more balanced and fulfilling life awaits.
Luxury Unplugged Podcast: Work-Life Balance for Busy Moms & Professionals with Dr. Susan Landers
Host: Neeti Keswani
Guest: Dr. Susan Landers, Retired Neonatologist & Author
[00:00:00] Introduction: The Work-Life Balance Challenge
Neeti Keswani: If you're wondering how to prioritize work-life balance as a busy mom, or you are an entrepreneur or a busy professional and you feel like you're juggling family, work, and personal life, this episode is for you.
We are diving here into practical tips for navigating work-life balance, actionable strategies for avoiding caregiver burnout and stress, and we're going to talk about ways of maintaining harmony while caring for others. Whether you're a professional, entrepreneur, or caregiver, these insights can help you create a more balanced and fulfilling life.
I'm Neeti Keswani, your host for Luxury Unplugged Podcast, where luxury meets spirituality and meaning. In simple terms, we redefine luxury beyond material things, focusing on emotional connection, personal growth, and meaningful, rich experiences.
Today's guest, Dr. Susan Landers, is a retired neonatologist with over 30 years of NICU experience, where she balanced the intense demands of caregiving while raising three children. As the author of Defeating Burnout, she's here to share her journey, strategies for thriving under pressure, and how creative professionals and entrepreneurs today can apply her insights to their own lives. Let's dive in.
[00:01:00] Welcoming Dr. Susan Landers
Neeti Keswani: Today we are having a very special guest, Dr. Susan Landers. She's a retired neonatologist with over 30 years of experience in the NICU, which is the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Throughout her distinguished career, she has been on the front lines working with the most vulnerable newborns, and she's witnessed firsthand incredible emotional and physical challenges, both for the physicians and caregivers, and also for the parents.
On her personal life, she has also been raising three children, and now she has written a beautiful book, Defeating Burnout. Let's understand from her how to understand the emotional toll of careers and how to go about balancing work life. Welcome, Dr. Susan Landers.
Dr. Susan Landers: Thank you very much for the invitation. I'm looking forward to our discussion.
Neeti Keswani: Absolutely. We are looking at some amazing nuggets from your life, from your work stories, and about your book as well.
Dr. Susan Landers: Thank you. I also wrote a memoir after I retired called So Many Babies, and in it, I tell inspiring stories of parents in the NICU whose children survived, and the parents showed great strength and courage. I also tell stories about my own life. So for those who are interested in NICU stories, I recommend So Many Babies.
Neeti Keswani: Awesome.
[00:02:00] Navigating a Demanding Career & Parenthood
Neeti Keswani: So, you have been in one of the most demanding fields of medicine. How did you personally navigate through those emotional, physical challenges, as well as being a parent yourself raising three children?
Dr. Susan Landers: Alright. Whenever pediatricians confront problems in the hospital—probably in their offices, too—they always think, "Oh no, what if this happens to my child?"
My very first experience as a neonatologist, after I finished my training, was to go into premature labor at 25 weeks gestation. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks on lots of medications, totally petrified that I was going to have a tiny premature baby. That was back in the 1980s when tiny preemies didn't survive very much. Needless to say, luck befell us, or blessings, and I did not have my son until he was 35 weeks gestation, so we had a good outcome.
But that experience taught me so much about the helplessness that mothers in the NICU feel, and any mother with a child that's sick or in the hospital feels. Relative helplessness; sometimes they feel hopeless, too. But for sure, they're in a system that they're unfamiliar with, and they have to trust other people to care for their children.
I loved working with the mothers as much as I loved taking care of the babies. Intensive care is very procedure-oriented, and it's good if you like intensive care, but it also provides an aspect of advice and counsel. Many times, moms and dads would ask me, "How do you deal with this? Well, someone might die." And I would say to them, "Well, we do the best we can. I use my training. I pray, as do some physicians and nurses, and I'm happy to talk about the situation and your feelings anytime you want to."
So the first thing that I learned to do, because of my experience almost having a premature baby at the time, was to encourage parents to talk. To talk about their struggles, their fears, their questions. So much can be done to allay fears and to help parents deal with what their tiny baby is going through if we talk through it.
For mothers to know that their touch is something that makes their babies grow better, that their voice and the calmness in their voice is something that makes their babies settle better and have less apnea—breathing pauses—mothers love to hear that. They love to hear that holding their baby, kangaroo care, naked against their chest, not only improves their breast milk production but also makes their baby grow better and have less apnea.
So there were lots of things that I could do to reassure parents when they felt helpless, when they felt adrift, when they were in an environment that they were not familiar with. And I loved doing that as much as I loved intensive care, the procedures, and the medicines.
Now, I was also a mother at the same time, and I would see things happen to babies. My husband is a pediatric specialist also, and he would come home and tell me about his patients. And we would see things happen that we feared might happen in our children, and we knew what that feeling of fear and helplessness—sometimes even guilt—felt like.
Moms would look at me in the NICU and say, "This is my fault. I feel so guilty for having a preemie." And I had to stop and say, "This is not your fault. You had high blood pressure. Preeclampsia causes problems. Lots of women go through this." And sometimes just having a reassuring voice and explaining a medical problem helped parents deal with it.
But my husband and I did have fears of our own by taking care of sick children, and we supported one another by talking through those fears. I'm a firm believer in open communication in marriages and partnerships. I've been married 41 years, and people asked me, "How could you work full-time, raise three kids, and be married 41 years?" Well, that's because we shared everything. We talked. We shared our struggles. We shared our questions.
We had to come to agreement on how much work was enough, how much was too much, how much time with the kids they needed and we needed, when it was not enough, when it was too much. And so we always had good communication. And even when we didn't, the other one would force it. Like if my husband was sort of putting everything on the back burner and letting me handle everything, I would force him to talk about why he was doing that.
So communication and support for my partner was a huge factor in my ability to practice in the NICU and to help the parents whose children I took care of.
[00:06:00] The Importance of Communication and Support Systems
Neeti Keswani: So that is an amazing nugget right there. Because I think the biggest challenge that young couples these days are facing is regarding communication. And obviously, the stress levels in the workplaces is going to another level. And I guess communication and the support system is the base to start off any family.
Dr. Susan Landers: Yes, yes. Support systems are so undervalued. And our social media climate, internet climate today, has pushed away human support and human connection.
New mothers especially need to talk to other new mothers. When I was a new mom, I talked to my pediatrician friends and I said, "How are you handling this? And what do you think about that?" And I didn't know what to do with night terrors when my kid started having them at age two, and somebody else helped me because she had already been through that with her child.
And so the support system that we have with our friends, and sometimes our family members, is vital. The NICU moms would make friends with the NICU nurses, and many of them were friends for years and years. I saw a mom recently whose child I took care of for six months, and he's now 18 years old and just graduated from high school and is going off to college. And she and I ran into each other and I gave her a big hug, and she said, "I remember how you used to encourage me to be brave and to take deep breaths, and to go out and have lunch with a friend and have my husband take me out on a date." I said, "You remember that?" And she said, "Oh yeah, you were the only one who told me to take care of myself during those six months that he was in the hospital."
And that made me feel so good because she figured out that survival for her during a critical time in her son's life depended on her own well-being. And she is still in touch with that same NICU nurse that she made friends with. And so that's a great example of how new moms, no matter what situation they're in, need to feel the support of other women, hopefully going through similar stages or having been through similar stages, to say, "Oh yeah, that's normal, don't worry about that. Oh yeah, I dealt with that, you'll get through it. Oh yeah, here's a resource that I found that you might find helpful."
We've underestimated the value of human connection in our support systems.
Neeti Keswani: And that's really well said. Because we have. And in terms of the mothers, I think you've covered another point, which is about self-care. Because we strongly promote that on this channel, Luxury Unplugged, and it is about self-care because once you are completely fulfilled inside, that is when you're able to give something to others.
[00:08:00] Self-Care and Establishing Boundaries
Neeti Keswani: But having said that, new mothers, working mothers especially, it is very, very challenging, especially if your job demands you to be working 24/7. Obviously, you're having a baby who also demands that. So going in that cycle, and I'm sure you must have seen those stories yourself and been in that situation yourself, what do you have to say about that? If somebody's job is really pressing and a newborn is there?
Dr. Susan Landers: Well, I admit right up front that I'm a workaholic. That I had always had to control myself for too much work in the hospital. I had to make myself go home to see my kids, even though I wanted to see them and I loved being with them. It was hard to turn off intensive care. And so I had to be really careful with the boundaries between my work and my home life.
My husband helped me with that. I gave him permission to tell me that I was not around enough or that I was getting too stressed. I also gave my colleagues at work, other neonatologists, permission to tell me, "You're really acting pretty stressed this week. Are you okay? Have you been taking care of yourself? You seem like you've just had five cups of coffee." And so I gave permission to the people who knew me to help me monitor how I was coming across.
That is something that new moms can get their spouses to help them do. The spouses and partners can help, and the new mom has to tell that person how they feel.
When I was working full-tilt, I had to be very careful about alone time, time with friends, going out with my husband at least one night a week—sometimes it was once every month—and quality time with my kids. When I was not on call, when I was not in the hospital, I was with my children.
Now that didn't leave much time for exercise, and I never meditated, and I didn't write in a journal when I was busy. But I loved exercising. So what I did was play with my kids. Ride bikes with my kids, bat the ball with my kids, get out on the playscape with my kids. And that was energizing and fulfilling, and it really made a difference.
I learned, Neeti, that just walking around the block—well, it wasn't really a block, it was a neighborhood—just walking outside in my neighborhood wherever I lived, gave me a sense of well-being. I became a runner about 10 years into my career, and I ran for about 15 years. And I would strike out for a run, two or three miles, short runs, while my husband watched the kids, and I would come back feeling refreshed, energized.
So I tell moms who are busy, especially busy with work and life and raising kids, they've got to find whatever it is that energizes them, that nourishes them. What is it that you do that fills you up when you feel like you're empty? Is it a walk? Is it a run? Is it coffee with a friend and talking? Is it writing in your journal? Is it meditating? There are so many things we can do in our really valuable alone time that is necessary to keep our minds healthy, our mood stable.
I would sometimes lose control of that. Everybody does. I would get too busy, I wouldn't exercise, I wouldn't get outside, and my mood would kind of darken, or I might get kind of testy with the kids, or God forbid, I found myself yelling at the kids. And I was able to recognize my red flags. Each of us knows when we feel overdone.
You know, there's a lot of talk recently about burnout. I think most people know, before they reach burnout, what it is that's really pushing them close to the edge. And what I taught myself to do was recognize those things as big red flags. And then I knew I needed to pull back. I needed to take better care of myself. I needed to go apologize to my 10-year-old and say, "I'm really sorry I didn't mean to yell at you. Mommy was upset and I was stressed and I had a bad day." And telling the truth to your kids when you're stressed out is so wonderful.
You've probably had whole people on your podcast to talk about repairing relationships with your children. But since I was in a high-stress field, sometimes I came home with that stress and sometimes I took it out on my children or my husband. But I always recognized when I did, and I was able to apologize and repair.
So burnout is really prevalent among working moms right now. My advice is for them to try to figure out the trigger that put them there. Is it a difficult boss? Is it a job you hate? Is it too many hours working 60 hours a week? Is it your special needs kid that's pushing you over the edge? Is it your husband and your marriage that needs work that may be going down the tubes? Something is always pushing us towards emotional exhaustion, physical exhaustion, pushing us to our limits of tolerance.
And burnout is really a condition where we feel like we're not doing a good job in what it is we want to do, whether it's be a doctor, be a secretary, be a teacher, be a nurse, or be a mom. It is a constant feeling of being overwhelmed.
[00:12:00] Identifying Triggers and Practical Self-Care Strategies
Neeti Keswani: Exactly. And that red flag, if you're able to spot, like you just mentioned, that "Okay, this could be the cause," and "Okay, now I can tick box, this is the real reason," then what steps can I really take?
Dr. Susan Landers: Well, once we've assessed what it is that's tipping us over the edge, that's triggered us, we have to separate from it to some extent. We have to create enough space to allow self-assessment. I have a tool on my website that allows working moms to do a self-assessment with respect to their children, their families, their job.
But if we don't pull back and say, "How did I get here? What pushed me this far? And what can I do about it?" Sometimes you need to change jobs. Sometimes your manager is a jerk and you need to talk to someone else about it. Sometimes one particular child is really difficult and you need more help from your spouse, or you need a family member to come in and babysit one day a week. But there's always something that can be done about the trigger, the thing that pushes us over the edge, I think so.
Neeti Keswani: I guess the very important question, first of all, is to understand the trigger of that burnout. And even before the burnout has happened, really, it is a question about self-care and how can we get that into our own lifestyle, in our day-to-day activities. Because not for everybody, I mean, going out for a walk is a possibility, but maybe dancing, maybe Zumba, exactly, maybe something else really can help in keeping yourself fit, because probably that can help out in evading the burnout.
Dr. Susan Landers: Oh yes. My daughter, my younger daughter, loves yoga. My older daughter loves getting on the Peloton. And they're so different, you know? My older daughter's like me, so she likes spinning on the Peloton and really getting out frustrations there. My younger daughter would rather do yoga for an hour two or three days a week, and that's all she needs to be okay.
Some people find that playing a musical instrument is the thing they need to be okay. Once, when I was burned out—when I was in my 40s, I had three kids and a bad job and a bad boss, and I ultimately left that job—but until I figured that out, I started taking piano lessons and played piano duets with my son, who was pretty good on the piano. And when I sat down to play the piano, and I'm not very good at it, all my stress just left my brain. All I thought about was the music. And I've heard from people that listening to music works just as well as playing music.
So you mentioned several things that make a difference. If we can't find that thing that nourishes us, that fills us back up, we can't handle our burnout. We've got to find... burnout is like when you have a cup and you're serving others and you're pouring yourself out of this cup. Burnout is when you get to the end of the cup and there's nothing left in there. We have to figure out how to fill the cup with things that give us energy, things that make us feel whole, things that make us feel alive and happy. That's how we continue to pour out ourselves in care of others.
So it's going to be different for every person. Every person has to figure out what it is that nourishes them, that fills up their cup. Some people might just need a bubble bath once a week and soaking and listening to music. There's such a long list of the different things we can do to nourish ourselves.
Other people find prayer and spiritual help very, very helpful. I would talk to my preacher. I'm a Methodist. I would talk to my pastor when I had difficult cases in the NICU, or if the doctors disagreed about some care, or the parents had some conflict. I talked about those cases, without revealing any information, with my pastor, because I had to feel okay in order to help those parents.
So spirituality is something that many people find nourishing. And I'm glad to hear that you're talking about that on your podcast because I think we've downplayed the value of that in our current culture.
[00:15:00] The Role of Spirituality and Resilience
Neeti Keswani: And that is very true. Because right now, the entire focus in the corporate world, or otherwise in high-stake jobs, it's all about numbers. It's all about what you can achieve in the materialistic world. But the idea, like we just talked about, in terms of self-care and being feeling peaceful inside before I address your situation, your problems, your challenges, it's very crucial. And that's what we're intending to do on this podcast.
And the amazing part that I'm finding over here right now, talking to you, is that I'm talking to somebody who has been having a beautiful career in medicine, and yet you are talking about spirituality and talking to your pastor before addressing the challenge at your workplace, which is huge. Because nowadays the medicine industry is moving in a different direction—I mean, some of them are—and it's all very practical, right? So, what do you have to say about that?
Dr. Susan Landers: You know, parents would ask me commonly, "Why did this happen to my baby?" And I would try to explain the medical reasons. And generally, you can explain medical reasons for a newborn who gets sick or a child who's born prematurely.
Occasionally, the situation was so dire that we knew we were losing a baby. And mothers would look at me as I stood there with them at their child's bedside and say, "I just can't believe God would do this to me. I can't believe God would take my child. What did I do to deserve this?" And I was able to say, "You don't deserve this. None of us deserves to have a sick child. None of us deserves to lose our precious baby that we wanted. But we can't understand God's will all the time. And for you to think God is punishing you is wrong. God is not punishing you. This is some kind of test that you will take years and years to understand. It may be a long time before it makes sense to you why you're losing this child, why you've had to go through all this."
And somehow, just talking about that concept of God's will and our place in the world would help parents get through that. That's not the only thing that helped them, but it was a little something after they had watched their child struggle.
And I was glad to be able to be present with parents who lost a baby in the NICU. I was glad to sit there with them, because I cannot imagine anything in the whole world worse than losing your child. I don't think there is anything worse.
Neeti Keswani: But that is the part of your job at the NICU, and it is so stressful. How did you manage to have that kind of resilience, that kind of wellness aspect to your life, while having so much of stress and so much of anxiety when you're facing such parents who are going through so much in life?
Dr. Susan Landers: Well, let's see. I've mentioned that I'm religious, I pray, I talk to my husband, I read a lot. I read a lot about spirituality and meaning, and I read a lot about the meaning of functioning as a physician. And you know, what we do as physicians is not only care for others, but we are present with others. We hold the hands of others who are going through illness or sickness. And I wanted to understand my role in doing that.
I'm not a pastor, I'm not a preacher, I don't have any religious certification, but I do think that I can help parents, and did help parents, in understanding where they found themselves in the world and how to cope with that.
The way I coped with it was support from my husband, support from my religious leaders, loving my children, support from my family and friends. I always made sure I had a couple of really good anchor friends, best friends, regardless of where I lived and how much I was working. And I would talk with those best friends. I would share my struggles with them. I would say, "I've got a kid with this, and he's not getting better, and I don't know what to do, and we've done everything we can." And so yes, doctors struggle with those situations, too. But we get through them by relying on our support system: our colleagues, our friends, our family.
Doctors are not special in that way. They're not born knowing everything. They have to read, they have to learn. And I guess, you know, another part of self-care for me, Neeti, was having a growth mindset. I always read like a banshee. I just wanted to gobble up self-help books, especially to raise kids and to have a happy marriage and to be a good physician. And so learning and reading and growing is part of taking care of yourself, I think. I don't know if a lot of people believe that, but I think having a growth mindset is really crucial in today's world. What do you think about that?
[00:19:00] Generational Shifts and Defining Luxury
Neeti Keswani: I think it is really important. But first of all, I'd like to tell you, my name is Neeti. Neeti.
Dr. Susan Landers: Yes, I'm so sorry I mispronounced it, Neeti.
Neeti Keswani: No worries! We'll edit this part. Just because you're repeating it, I would want to tell you that. Thank you.
So, in terms of self-care and self-help books, they have been a major part of my life since I've had my son. I've been into books a lot, wrote a book myself, Live Your Dreams. And it was about an aspirational girl who wanted to leave the corporate life and manage the world of fashion and get into the other side of the business. So how she managed that, in terms of fiction and putting in the self-help bit, is what my story was all about.
But in terms of today, especially having seen the sides of the U.S. and India now, I feel that youngsters, young crowd, is also moving towards self-help books and audiobooks and podcasts like these, where people like yourself, experts in certain fields, can come over, discuss life situations, and probably we all can benefit from that, right? Because it's always good to take some practical advice.
Dr. Susan Landers: Yes, from those of us old enough who've made the mistakes. We've made all the mistakes.
And that is so wonderful. I'll tell you an anecdote, you'll love this. I had a young Millennial—maybe he was a Gen Z—I had a young Gen Z partner who had just joined our group, and we were working about 50 hours a week. And he had been in the practice for about a year, which was a good schedule, 50 hours a week. And he came up and he said, "You know, I'm leaving. I'm going to another practice in another part of the country." I went, "Oh, why are you leaving?" And he said, "I don't want to work this hard. I want to be able to ski. I want to have time with my wife. We want to have a family. This is too much work." And I went, "Oh my God, this is like the best schedule I've had in a long time!" But to him, it was not good enough. To him, he wanted more free time. He wanted a more well-balanced life than I had. And I had to say, "Well, okay, good for you." And it was such a stark difference between the way I looked at work and the way he was looking at work. And it clearly was a generational difference.
Neeti Keswani: But I guess a lot of people are kind of moving in that direction now. We all want to live a holistic life, balancing our health, career, money, relationships, everything, right? And that comes over there.
I have a question, in terms of your life and your experiences now with your kids as well, what does luxury really mean to you? I mean, in terms of material wealth, or does it mean more time and space?
Dr. Susan Landers: Luxury to me is alone time. "Me" time. Whether that's to exercise, take a walk, read a book, go out with a friend. It's spontaneous "me" time, alone time, fill myself up, take care of myself, do what I want to do. That's luxury.
When you're working and raising a family, and moms who are just working and just raising their kids will get burned out. They have got to find some "me" time. And to me, that's the greatest luxury. It was never money. It was never prestige—it might have been prestige in my 40s, but that doesn't last. And you know, most of us figure out how to make enough money to have a pretty decent lifestyle, hopefully. Professionals generally do.
Some people are going to say "more time with my kids," and maybe I should feel that way, but I guess it's kind of a tie. More time with my children and more "me" time are kind of tied in my mind for luxury.
Neeti Keswani: Right. So when you talk about embracing a luxurious lifestyle, it's about intentional living, is what I can see.
Dr. Susan Landers: Yes, yes. You're so right. Yes. What a great idea for a podcast this is. Wonderful.
[00:22:00] Conclusion
Neeti Keswani: Well, I have enjoyed every ounce of this conversation with you.
Dr. Susan Landers: Oh, thanks. Same here. Loved it.
Neeti Keswani: And discussing so many topics, like right from burnout for caregivers to mothers, to talking about life in general and Christianity and religion, of course. And I do not fear from discussing those topics, whether it is spirituality or Buddhism or Christianity, it's all part of this podcast. So I welcome all guests who can talk on these topics as well.
Dr. Susan Landers: Good, good, good. It's been wonderful having this discussion with you. Really enjoyed it. Thank you so much for your time.
Neeti Keswani: Thank you. Thank you. Take care. Keep doing your good work.
Dr. Susan Landers: Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate it.
Neeti Keswani: Okay.