Introduction: The Myth of Loud Confidence
Are you searching for the secret to confidence? Perhaps you need to approach a high-value prospective client, pitch yourself for a new career opportunity, or finally talk to someone you’re attracted to. The common advice? "Fake it till you make it." But let's be honest: that feels exhausting.
True confidence isn't about pretending. It isn't about being the loudest voice in the room. Many people believe that social attractiveness requires a boisterous, dominant personality. But being heard isn't about volume. In fact, when someone tries too hard to raise their voice, it often quietly signals a deep-seated insecurity.
Real, magnetic confidence is an inside job. It’s a quiet, unshakeable knowing that allows you to be influential, attractive, and powerful without ever putting on an act. This comprehensive guide will take you through a transformative journey—six practical techniques and one profound spiritual practice—to help you build genuine self-confidence from the inside out and express it in a way that naturally draws people, opportunities, and success to you.
Part 1: Building Your Foundation: The Six Pillars of Internal Confidence
You cannot sustainably project confidence on the outside if it’s crumbling on the inside. This first section is all about constructing that solid, internal foundation of self-trust and self-worth.
Pillar 1: Keep Promises to Yourself: The Cornerstone of Self-Trust
The entire edifice of confidence is built on one critical element: self-trust. But how do you build trust? Through consistent, reliable proof.
What do I mean by that? If you tell yourself you are going to study for two hours, you do it. If you commit to hitting the gym at 7 AM, you show up. When you say you'll complete a particular task, you follow through.
This isn't just about productivity; it's a fundamental contract with yourself. Every time you follow through on a promise you've made to yourself, you deposit a small amount of trust into your personal "confidence bank." You are proving to yourself that you are reliable. When the big moments come—that important client meeting or that daunting conversation—you can step into them with the deep-seated knowledge that you are someone who does what they say they will do. This self-trust is the non-negotiable foundation upon which all confidence is built.
Pillar 2: Do Hard Things On Purpose: Building Your Confidence Muscle
Growth and comfort cannot coexist. If you stay within your comfort zone, your confidence will never stretch and grow. You must consciously and consistently push yourself into challenges.
Think of it like building a physical muscle. You don't get stronger by lifting weights that are easy; you grow by tackling weights that are difficult. The same is true for your confidence muscle.
Maybe you experience intense stage fright, but you promised to speak at a company meeting. Perhaps you feel jitters before a crucial debate or presentation. The goal isn't to eliminate the nervous feeling. The goal is to act in spite of it. At that very moment, when you take the stage feeling the jitters and still do what is required, you are sending a powerful message to your brain: "I am capable. I can handle difficult things." Each conquered challenge, no matter how small, is tangible proof of your own capability, systematically dismantling self-doubt.
Pillar 3: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: The Thief of Joy
In our hyper-connected world, the temptation to compare is everywhere. You can compare your career, your relationships, your body, and your lifestyle to thousands of others on social media in an instant. But this is a fatal trap for confidence.
Your journey is unique. Your path, your starting point, and your challenges are yours alone. Comparison doesn't just steal your joy; it sabotages your progress. Instead of looking sideways, focus on looking backward at your own progress. Adopt a growth mindset and commit to being just 1% better than you were yesterday.
Use others as inspiration, not as a benchmark for competition. Seeing a successful YouTuber or entrepreneur and thinking, "Wow, I admire their skill and want to learn from that," is inspiration. Thinking, "They are so successful, and I'm struggling, so I must be a failure," is jealousy that will only impact you negatively. Redirect that energy inward and focus on your own continuous improvement.
Pillar 4: Master Your Posture and Body Language: The Physiology of Confidence
Your mind and body are in a constant feedback loop. While your feelings can dictate your body language, the reverse is also powerfully true: your body language can dictate your feelings.
When you consciously choose to stand tall, pull your shoulders back, maintain eye contact, and offer a genuine smile, you are broadcasting a signal of confidence not just to the world, but directly to your own brain. You are essentially telling your nervous system, "I am not acting. I am safe. I am comfortable and enjoying myself here."
This isn't about "faking" a powerful pose. It's about using your physiology to create a genuine internal state. By adopting the body language of a confident person, you trigger a neurochemical response that actually makes you feel more confident, comfortable, and in control. You become comfortable in your own skin, right there in the moment.
Pillar 5: Speak Kindly to Yourself: The Power of Your Inner Dialogue
You will meet many people in life who are not kind to you. Everyone has different temperaments, and sometimes you'll just rub someone the wrong way. In those moments, it is absolutely critical that you become your own greatest ally.
Your brain believes what you consistently repeat to it. The negative self-talk and internal criticism that runs on a loop is more damaging than any external opinion. It's time to become aware of that voice and intentionally replace it.
Swap thoughts like, "What do they think of me?" or "I'm not good enough," with empowering affirmations and self-talk:
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"I am learning and improving every day."
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"I am capable of handling this."
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"I am becoming more confident with each challenge."
Your words create your self-image, and your self-image dictates your reality. Choose words that build you up, because your words literally create your world.
Pillar 6: Celebrate Your Wins and Keep Proof: Building Your Evidence Stack
Confidence needs evidence, especially on the inevitable low days. This is why it is essential to actively celebrate your wins, both big and small, and—this is crucial—keep proof.
Maintain a confidence journal, a dedicated folder on your phone for screenshots of achievements, positive feedback, or completed goals. Create a "proof wall" or a digital collage. This isn't vanity; it's building a portfolio of your own competence.
When self-doubt creeps in and that inner critic says, "You can't do this," you can open your journal or look at your collage and present cold, hard evidence to the contrary. "Look," you can say, "I overcame this challenge, I achieved that goal, I received this praise." This evidence stack is a powerful tool to pull you out of self-doubt faster, quicker, and easier, reinforcing the foundation of self-trust you've been building.
Part 2: The Spiritual Key: Clearing the Inner Noise with Ho'oponopono
All the practical techniques in the world can only take you so far if your inner world is filled with old doubts, wounds, and stories that whisper "you're not enough." True confidence starts when you clear this internal noise. One of the most powerful and simple ways to do this is through the ancient Hawaiian practice of Ho'oponopono.
What is Ho'oponopono?
On the surface, you might wonder what a prayer or spiritual practice could possibly do for your confidence. But its effect is profound. Ho'oponopono consists of four simple, beautiful statements:
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I'm sorry.
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Please forgive me.
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Thank you.
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I love you.
How to Use Ho'oponopono for Confidence
When you feel nervous, self-conscious, or hesitant, you simply pause and repeat these phrases silently in your head, or feel them in your heart.
Who are you speaking to? You are not asking for anyone else's permission or forgiveness. You are addressing the Divine, God, the Universe, or what you might consider your higher, spiritual self. If you are not spiritually inclined, you are speaking to the subconscious part of yourself that stores old wounds and limiting beliefs.
The prayer works on the principle that we are carrying memories and energies from past experiences that create our current problems, including a lack of confidence. By reciting these phrases, you are:
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"I'm sorry": Apologizing for the unconscious programs, memories, and pain that you are carrying.
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"Please forgive me": Asking for cleansing and release from these burdens you may not even consciously remember storing.
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"Thank you": Expressing gratitude for the release and healing that is taking place.
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"I love you": Returning to a state of love, which is your natural, whole, and confident state of being.
By accepting the presence of these old wounds and asking for them to be dissolved, you release them. It’s a form of energetic cleaning and self-clearing. Many people report feeling significantly lighter, calmer, and more composed within minutes of sincere practice. Repeating it 11, 51, or 108 times can deepen the effect.
When you clear this inner noise, you show up authentically, not pretending. Your energy does the talking, and it requires no effort. You become aligned with your true self. Remember, the most attractive person in any room is the one at peace with themselves.
Part 3: From Confident to Influential: How to Be Socially Attractive
Now that you've built a rock-solid internal foundation, how do you express this authentic confidence in a way that makes you socially attractive and influential? This is where your internal work translates into external magnetism.
Hack 1: Be Interested, Not Interesting
The biggest trap people fall into when trying to be influential is trying to be the most interesting person in the room. The real secret is the opposite: be the most interested person in the room.
Shift your focus from "What should I say?" to "I wonder what they will share." Ask clear, open-ended questions and then listen deeply and listen intently. People feel an incredible draw to someone who makes them feel truly seen, heard, and understood. This is the core of authentic connection. When you are genuinely curious about others, you become magnetic without ever having to boast.
Hack 2: Give Genuine, Deep Compliments
Forget shallow compliments about someone's hair, smile, or dress. While nice, they don't build deep influence. If you truly want to impact people, you must listen for opportunities to offer genuine compliments that speak to their character.
For example:
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Instead of "I like your suit," try "I really admire the way you handled that client's objection; it was masterful."
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Instead of "You have a nice smile," try "Your passion for this project is so contagious, it's incredible."
These kinds of compliments show that you are paying attention to who they are, not just what they look like. In a business context, always acknowledge and appreciate what someone has already shared or done for you. This builds immense trust and makes them feel safe to open up even more.
Hack 3: Kill Them with Kindness (The Right Way)
We've all heard the phrase "kill them with kindness," but what does it mean in practice, especially in a conflict? It doesn't mean being a pushover or buying gifts to win favor.
In an argument, it's easy to win with sharp words, especially if you're articulate. But a victory based on verbal assault is hollow and leaves residue. To kill them with kindness authentically means to maintain respect and compassion, even when you know you are right.
Validate their point of view ("I can see why you feel that way"), and instead of hitting below the belt, respond with a respectful, kind, and firm stance. This isn't weak; it's incredibly powerful. It shifts the energy from combat to collaboration and builds respect instantly.
Hack 4: Master the First and Last Impression: The 30-Second Rule
People's memory is heavily influenced by primacy and recency effects—they remember the start and the end of an interaction most clearly. Whether you are in a job interview, on a date, or at a networking event, you must nail your first 30 seconds and your concluding remarks.
Your introduction should be concise, confident, and value-oriented. Your closing should be memorable, gracious, and clear. A powerful first impression opens the door, and a strong last impression ensures it stays open, making people remember you favorably and want to re-engage, whether for business or friendship.
Conclusion: Your Journey to Authentic Confidence Begins Now
We have journeyed through the complete blueprint for building unshakeable confidence. We've covered the six practical pillars for internal strength, the spiritual tool of Ho'oponopono for clearing inner blocks, and the external hacks for becoming socially attractive and influential.
Remember, the most magnetic person in any room is never the loudest or the flashiest. It is the one who is at peace with themselves and knows how to make others feel seen, heard, and valued. Confidence isn't about being respected; it's about being respectful. When you operate from a place of genuine respect for yourself and others, respect is what you will automatically receive.
This is the path to becoming genuinely more attractive, more respectful, and more powerful without ever faking it. The journey starts within. Your future confident self is waiting for you to take the first step.
Transcript:
If you're wondering on how to be confident in yourself to approach prospective clients, new opportunities, or perhaps someone you like, let me tell you, confidence isn't about pretending.
It isn't about having the loudest voice in the room. Because for socially attractive, being socially attractive, some people think that that is the requirement. But being heard isn't about being the loudest. Often when someone tries too hard to raise their volume, it quietly signals insecurity.
So I will take you through six practical and one spiritual technique to be more confident in yourself and understand how to be confident and influential without faking it.
First of all, understand that you have to keep promises to yourself.
What do I mean by that? Well, I mean that if you say you are going to study or you're going to be taking up a particular task at a particular time, you're going to do that. If you say you're going to hit the gym, then you'll show up because following through builds selfrust which is the foundation of the confidence.
And this selfrust is very important.
Like we say that we trust somebody when you know they have shown enough proof.
We need to build that trust for ourselves in us only through proof. And when we are going to follow through whatever we have promised ourselves that is when the trust starts building up and that's when we start trusting our own self.
Next point practical point for building confidence and sustaining it is to do hard things on purpose.
You see growth doesn't happen in comfort. You know you have to push yourself into challenges sometimes. Even when you're feeling nervous like some of us feel stage fright right so even if we are feeling that stage fright we still do the thing that is required to be done in the moment right if you promised to be in the debate if you promised to take up the stage for a particular topic you still have to do it even if you have stage fright so then at that moment at that very moment when you take up the task even feeling jitters within that is when you're building yourself up because each hard thing that you conquer proves to your brain that you are capable.
Third point, stop comparing yourself to others.
You know there are so many people that you can compare yourself with in this world. But you know when your journey is unique, your comparison steals your own joy. Why compare? Focus on being better than yesterday that you were. You have to make yourself better by 1% every single day. Try focusing on that. Use others as inspiration but not competing. For example, if you see an influencer on YouTube and you feel that wow they look amazing, they talk amazing, they feel amazing, I'd like to be like that. That is inspiration.
But if you're being jealous that they are there and why am I struggling, it will not help you. In fact, it could impact you negatively. And I'll take that up in another video. But for now, let's get on with the next the the rest of the topics.
Number four, improve posture and your body language.
You see, when you stand tall and you maintain eye contact and you are smiling, your body is signaling confidence.
It is saying to your brain, I'm not acting. I'm just enjoying myself. I'm comfortable here. And that is something that you're telling yourself that you are confident, comfortable in your skin right there in that moment.
Next point is about speaking kindly to yourself.
You see, there are going to be a lot of people that you meet who are not going to be kind to you. And and everybody has a different temperament, right? So some people get agitated about a small petty thing, some people take longer time to get agitated, but sometimes we just get rubbed off in the wrong way. You know what I mean? In that case, at least you can be kinder to yourself. Your brain believes what you are repeating in your head, not what they are saying. So replace about what somebody feels about you with what I am good at.
Forget about what they think. For understand what you know and keep on repeating that in your head that I am learning and I'm improving every day.
I'm becoming better. I'm becoming more confident every single day.
Words create your image, your self-image. So choose them wisely. Use them wisely because your words can actually create your world.
Last point in practical application of being confident is about celebrating your wins and keeping proof.
Yes, I mean it. Keep proof of whatever you are winning every single day. It could be very small, it could be very large. Who knows? Keep a journal, screenshots perhaps or a proof of some sort of achievements, proof of wall, you know, proof wall, some sort of a collage, perhaps a journal entry, perhaps something on your phone, just because they're going to be low days as well.
And when you revisit that journal, that screenshot, that collage on that particular day, you're going to remind yourself of what you've already overcome.
This evidence stack is going to help you come out of your self-doubt faster, quicker, and easier.
Now, true confidence starts inside when you clear the doubts and stories that you tell yourself that you're not enough. So, one of the simplest way to do is through hobon bono.
Now, this is a spiritual practice. It's a Hawaiian practice and it just consists of four beautiful statements.
On the surface of it, you might wonder what can a prayer, a spiritual practice do to help my confidence. But listen, listen carefully.
When you feel nervous, when you are self-conscious and you just pause and repeat in your head, in your heart, perhaps in your body, you feel it that I'm sorry. Please forgive me, thank you, and I love you. Who are you saying this prayer to? Not to anybody else outside.
You're saying this prayer to the divine.
You're not asking anyone's permission.
You're not speaking to any individual.
You are saying this to your divine, to your spiritual larger self. Perhaps if you don't believe in God, you're speaking to that part of yourself that you're still carrying old wounds and fears which which are sort of, you know, making you hesitate, making you self-conscious. And when you are about praying and talking about it, understanding that they exist, you are not discarding them. You are accepting their presence and then you're asking divine to dissolve them because it just gets dissolved like in a jify because you have prayed to divine and you've said I'm sorry for whatever I'm feeling. Please forgive me because this exists in me and I don't understand. I don't remember the memory from where it came or when it came or when did I store this in my memory bank.
But since it exists, I'm sorry for that and I ask for your forgiveness for not knowing that unconsciously I have stored this pain, this memory and thank you for releasing it and thank you divine. I love you divine that you have helped me in releasing it.
Just imagine I didn't even do a meditation with you right now. I'm just talking to you right now and still I'm feeling lighter. Friends, if you're listening to my entire conversation right now, you would have felt a little bit lighter.
This is the magic of this prayer. So, it's not, you know, something woo woo.
It is something magical. If you repeat it 11 times, 51 times, 108 times, you are going to feel lighter inside. And within 15 minutes max, you're going to feel so much lighter that you are going to feel as if you know some weight has lifted off and you are calm, composed and confident.
But remember, say this prayer with the intention of feeling confident in that case, right? Because then you're going to feel magnetic within a few minutes.
You are going to feel genuinely happier inside. You're going to feel safe because you are drawing your energy not from anybody else but from the divine in those moments because you're not trying anymore. You're just aligned with your own self in that moment. So to be truly confident and socially attractive, try clearing the inner noise first. Use some sort of spiritual tool like ho ponop pono and show up authentically not pretending and then let your energy do the talking so that it won't take any effort because you see the most attractive person in any room is the one at peace with themselves.
So if you're watching this and thinking I want to really change my inner story and show up more confident, I've got you. You can learn how to rewrite your personal story or your brand story. Just click the link in the description and you're going to see a link. You reach out to me. Let's book some time in and let's make this transformation happen.
Okay. All right. Now onto the next point. Now you have understood how to be confident practically and spiritually.
Now how to be confident and influential without faking it?
Because to be socially attractive, don't fall for the trap of fake it till you make it.
Confidence isn't about pretending. It isn't about, you know, acting as if something in front of others when I'm not feeling that because your inner self is going to cry louder.
So real confidence comes from inside, from trusting yourself.
And one of the best ways to build that inner trust is like I explained through hobonopono and this will help you help you in selfcleing.
Now when I talk about influencing hacks when I talk about being socially attractive I want you to understand that you don't try to be interesting. You be curious about what others have to say.
Talk about them in clear questions perhaps and then listen deeply. listen intently because people feel drawn to someone who makes them feel seen, right? I am not asking questions for the heck of it in my podcast interviews. I'm genuinely interested in my guests and their craft and I'm interested in providing value to you, my audience. And therefore when I am taking those kind of interviews and I'm discussing certain points the questions sort of weave around the main topic. Sometimes we don't follow a certain format. We just go with the flow because we are all in this to provide value to each other.
Isn't it?
Next point is to be socially attractive. Don't give shallow compliments.
Forget about you have a nice hair, a nice smile, perhaps a nice dress. If you are really wanting to influence and impacting the people around you, try going deeper. Try understanding. Try listening better because then you'll be able to pick up genuine compliments. Genuine compliments out of their genuine self. I, for example, I admire how you handle that particular situation is a genuine compliment. Those compliments show you notice their character and you don't just notice their looks.
And when you are talking in a business like meeting perhaps you know in a conference or something or you are trying to get some new opportunities in or you're trying to attract new clients, try appreciating what they have already shared with you. Because when you acknowledge what people have already done for you, maybe it's a slight token of what perhaps you were expecting. But even if they have opened up a bit with you, they have shared a personal part of their life with you or perhaps they've given you a gift of some sort, try appreciating it. Because when you when when you do that, when you acknowledge it, it builds trust and they feel like telling you more. They feel like they feel like that they are safe around you and they can they can talk to you more.
Right.
The next point is killing them with kindness.
Now this I know a lot of people have already talked about and I have realized that it is an easy thing to do. But what does it really mean to kill them with kindness and how does it come authentically?
So as far as kill them with kindness is concerned, I have realized that it is easy to win arguments especially if you're good with words. But then even if they have lost the mind keeps chattering, validate whatever their point is and then compliment. That's better to do in a in a in an argument because then the energy shifts and you build respect instantly.
I do not mean that you should go ahead and start giving gifts out of kindness to showcase how kind you are, how genuinely nice you are. You could do that. Perhaps you should do that sometimes. But then maintain that balance because killing them with kindness means that while you're in an argument, do not hit below the belt. Do not go beyond a certain limit and try to still respond with respect with kindness even if you know that you are right and they are wrong.
Okay. So this is about socially attractive. This is number four.
Now let's get on to the number five that is remember people recall the start and the end.
So whether you are in an interview or you're on a date or even if you are in a casual conversation, try to nail your first 30 seconds. Try to nail your last bit, your conclusion, because people are interested and they will remember you the way you introduce yourself. In one of our next videos, I'm going to talk about the 30-second introduction, okay? because that is going to leave an influence an impact on the other person and they might come back and give you business because of just that 30-second interview or impression.
In this particular video, we have discussed about the idea of how to build confidence, how to be more confident using ho'oponopono, and the practical aspects of it. How to express it outside authentically with influence hacks and how to naturally become more attractive, more respectful, and more powerful without ever faking it. And remember, I said respectful, not respected. Because when we are respectful, we get respected automatically.
Because the most magnetic person in any room isn't the loudest or the flashiest.
It's the one who's at peace with themselves and who knows how to make others feel good, too.
Now, lastly, if you want to learn how to change your inner story and you want to become more confident and you want to rewrite your personal story or your brand story, click the link below and get in touch with me. We're going to book some time, 15 minutes perhaps. The link is in the description.